As I sit here in my new home of Pittsburgh, I am meditating on how I can possibly (a) apologize to you, my supporters for not up
dating you on my status since June (!!), and therefore leaving you in the dark for nearly 4 months, and (2) try to explain through a blog what I still cannot fully understand myself…At this time i should be in Bolivia, getting ready for my fourth month on the World Race and getting excited to go on to Europe! And yet… it is October and I am still in Pittsburgh, committed to a one year lease and to a different 11 month program called Compass AmeriCorps with a different 50+ member Core… oh did I mention I get to READ the W squads facebook updates as to where they are and what they are doing constantly? That’s how I know where I should be… and then I see where I am…which makes it difficult to still understand that it is here where God wants me to be…
Sooo… What happend?
Three weeks before I was suppose to take off on this epic adventure of ministry called the World Race, I found myself sitting in a doctors office hearing the following words being directed at me…to describe me: Pre-Cancer.
….
Life literally changed for me in a matter of seconds. I cannot describe the
number of options I asked about in order to let me go on the World Race… and
yet every time I thought I had the perfect solution that would somehow have me cured and ready to go in 3 weeks the doctor would say NO. She finally got to the point where she sat me down and said as bluntly as she could: “Rosa, let me put it to you this way… if you go on the World Race now… YOU WILL GET CANCER.”
number of options I asked about in order to let me go on the World Race… and
yet every time I thought I had the perfect solution that would somehow have me cured and ready to go in 3 weeks the doctor would say NO. She finally got to the point where she sat me down and said as bluntly as she could: “Rosa, let me put it to you this way… if you go on the World Race now… YOU WILL GET CANCER.”
This was the moment I really did feel defeated. My eyes finally let go of tears that I had been building up since my diagnosis three days before… and I knew I had lost that battle to this pre-cancer evil. Not only was it pre-cancer… it was on it’s final “pre” stage about to turn into cancer.
Looking back at these last couple of months, they seem like a black cloud over my life. Having to give up my dream of going on the World Race with a group that had become like family to me was one of the hardest things I had to do. I still cry about… To know that if I followed my dream my life would literally be threatened by cancer was something that at age 22 I was not ready to face… and yet challenges like these come to you when you least expect them.
… I wish I could tell you that I was able to take this news and see the bright side of things… like having thoughts such as: “Good thing they caught it on time!” or “at least I found out here and not on the World Race.,” however the reality is that till this day it is still very hard to wake up every morning and face the reality of life…this challenge as I like to see it. Even as I write this I cannot believe it is my story I am telling. And yet, what i always say still holds true…it is the story God gave me to tell.. so I will tell it and I will live it! (easier said…)
After my diagnosis I went through surgery. Unfortunantely after my checkup they found that the pre-cancer had returned. I went to get a second opinion and this doctor did not find any pre-cancer cells. Next week I will have a 3rd opinion and hopefully this will determine something!
If anything this has taught me to fight harder for my dream. I am now scheduled to go on the World Race in September 2012 in the Route 1 with a new squad since I am not medically allowed to leave for a whole year due to constant monitoring. I have faith that God will heal me… that’s if he hasn’t done so already 😉
And like I said before, I am now taking this year to be an AmeriCorps member, working with refugees and immigrants in the Pittsburgh area. I also started dating David, the guy who I met the day I got accepted on the World Race over a year ago… hence the guy I knew I wanted to date… but I couldn’t because of my commitment to the World Race. While he was willing to wait for me… God had different plans for us and now we have a year together before I actually leave on the World Race!
Life is crazy… unpredictable and filled with so many challenges, and yet to hold on to the Lord’s hand through all of this WILL be one of the hardest challenges you will ever face. I sometimes feel that He is just waiting for me to surrender and ask Him “Have you forsaken me Lord!??” (I mean… I did have my house broken into where the ONLY thing they took was $300 I had fundraised for the WR a month ago)…and yet… how can I do that?? How can I doubt my Lord… when I know for a fact that He does not give us anything we cannot handle!?? When I was the one who asked for a challenge!?? How can I doubt the one who is my strength when I am weak? Who loves me like no one else? No… if anything I thank Him for this challenge… and I pray that He could use this to strengthen others… that maybe this story needs to be told around the world come September 2012! If anything I am even more passionate about going on the World Race… to share the love of God and to fill people with Hope!
So… again, I apologize for not bringing you along in my journey these past couple of months… I myself am surprised at how I reacted. Many of you received emails asking for prayers… many of you prayed. And I thank you for that… because it was your prayers that got me through these tough months. I honestly know that it was bc of prayer that the Lord lifted this burden and gave me peace instead…. maybe not understanding… but peace in knowing that No! he has not forsaken me… that I am still His daughter and that I will get through this!
So the story continues… SEPTEMBER 2012! Oh… and the new countries are::: Zimbabwe/Botswana, S. Africa, Swaziland, India, Philippines, China, Ukraine, Moldova, Honduras, Nicaragua, Costa Rica/Panama 🙂
And I will say it again… Praise the Lord for He is GOOD!
