I’ve been saying a lot of goodbyes lately.
I said bye to Pocono Plateau, Penn State, my church family, and tons of friends and family throughout this summer. Tomorrow I’ll be saying bye to the majority of my extended family as we all say our goodbyes to my Grammy. And on Saturday morning I’ll be saying my final goodbyes to my closest friends and family.
When you’re leaving for 11 months, you say a lot of goodbyes.
But the funny thing is, all of these goodbyes haven’t gotten me all that worked up at all. I haven’t shed a single tear. Most of them haven’t even made me that sad.
Now before any of you think I’m some sort of heartless crazy person, let me clarify that not having the chance to see so many of my favorite people and places for at least 11 months does bum me out a little. I live for relationships and spending time with the people I love, so not getting to spend a night on the fishing dock at camp with my best friends or going on an evening walk through my neighborhood with my family or running to Wawa while blasting music with my sister or spending Thanksgiving around a huge table with my amazing family and everything in between – it’s all a little weird.
But it doesn’t make me sad.
Why? Because I’m going on an adventure with my Creator! No matter what doubts or fears or feelings I have, I know that God called me to this journey with Him, and THAT fills me with such a peace about leaving my ordinary life behind.
I feel like the best way to explain this is by writing about my Grammy’s passing:
It was all pretty quick. The first time I heard that Grammy was in the hospital was a little over a month ago. Then about two weeks ago I got the update that things were getting worse and we should visit her as much as possible. By the time I was able to visit her, she was already barely able to speak or keep her eyes open. Then last Wednesday, pretty much the entire family was in the hospital all day, because we knew she was going to pass very soon. On Thursday morning she passed away. This evening was her viewing, and tomorrow morning is the funeral.
It made me so sad to see my dear, sweet Grammy so weak and frail and even more sad to see my Pop Pop and dad and all my family so full of sorrow. It’s heartbreaking. I’m gonna miss her; we’re all gonna miss her. But through it all, I was filled with such a peace – a peace that can only be explained by the Holy Spirit.
What I learned as I thought about the reality of my grandma passing away, is that I so firmly believe that Heaven is real and that the Lord was preparing a place for her. I passionately believe that God is alive and at work every day and that He was with Grammy that whole time. On Wednesday night, as we were all preparing to say our goodbyes, we gathered in the hospital room and together sang a few of Grammy’s favorite hymns to her. It was so beautiful. In that moment, I felt the Spirit of God just overflowing that room, and I couldn’t help but smile. God was – and is – with all of us, and now Grammy is up there with Him, probably kicking butt at scrabble or showing some famous chef how to really cook. Before we left the hospital, I gave my Grammy a kiss on the forehead and whispered in her ear, “I love you so much. God is waiting for you up there. See you later, Grammy.”
Saying goodbye can be sad, but it can also be so beautiful. The passing of my grandma has allowed some pretty scary doubts and fears about what could happen to my loved ones while I’m gone for such a long time to enter my mind, but any time that happens, I look to the Lord and He casts them away. I have come to know God as the trustworthy, peaceful, and loving Father that He is; I truly believe in my heart that He called me to the World Race; and I know that He will always be with me, through all the highs and lows. And that has filled me with so much peace as I say my goodbyes. After all, it’s not really “goodbye.” It’s just “see ya later.” 
Peace out, y’all. I’m going on an adventure.
Thanks for reading! Please pray for my family as we continue to grieve the loss of our dear, sweet Grammy. And please pray that I would continue to trust in the Lord’s peace, goodness, and faithfulness as I say my final goodbyes and start my World Race! You can also subscribe to my blog or help fund my journey by clicking on the tabs on the side of this page. God bless you all.
