(At debrief, having a “tea partay”. Cam, me, Taryn, & Miles)
This is from my journal a few days ago. I just wanted to share my heart with you and what God is teaching me.
God I feel a bit chaotic. Like I’m in a room and things are racing past me and I just feel overwhelmed but yet at peace or at ease about it all but I know internally I have no clue as to what is happening or going to happen next.
God I remember Mike saying at some point that the enemy comes to steal the peace and there are hours of terror but it doesn’t last. “I have days and weeks of peace and I have moments and hours of terror. The enemy comes to challenge the peace.” God I feel that way, I feel as though I am ok with all this and yet doubt, fear everything tries to come in and scare me, to make me fear. And when I get off focus I get scared- it eats me up.
I don’t know God, I honestly have no clue as to all that’s going on. I know there are only 3 weeks left on this trip and my hunger/desire is to FINISH WELL. I know I’m weak right now, I can identify with the disciples as Jesus said the flesh is weak but the spirit is willing.
(Taryn, me, and Anna at debrief in Ukraine)
Mark 14:38 Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is wiling, but the body is weak.
In times of great stress you are vulnerable to temptation even if you have a wiling spirit.
How to resist:
1) Keep watch. Verse 34 says, “He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
2) Pray to God. Verse 35 says, “He went on a little farther and fell to the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by.”
3) Seek support. We all need accountability and support from those around us.
4) Focus on the purpose God has given. Verse 36 says, “Abba, Father, he cried out, everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine. ”
God’s will not my own.
God’s will not my own.
And God that’s me with the spirit giving me strength, because in my flesh- I worry, I get consumed with the situation, worries, distractions around me and my eyes get off focus. And without you God problems look huge, problems seem unbearable, but with you there’s hope and an ease and peace that the world can never give me.
