I have reached the point numerous times on this trip where I
have asked God, “What are you doing here? Because I can’t figure it out and I
don’t understand.” And no matter the country or the ministry God always is
tugging at my heart saying , “I
have more to show you Rocio, more that I need to pull out of you so that I can
mold you into who I am calling you to be.” And the process is hard and there I
times I want to pull away and just figure this stuff out on my own. There are
times where I say, ” God I don’t see it so I think I’m going to do this my
way.” And those are the times I please my flesh and I end up with regret and
more pain than when the process began. But the times when I throw up my hands
and say I’m willing show me more, dig out more, I’m willing is when I feel
fulfilled. And the process continues on.
(Sunset in Cambodia)
I sometimes feel that I can relate to Job in the Bible. Job
was a prosperous man, he owned a vast amount of livestock, had a large family,
and had many servants. Satan comes before God and asks to test Job’s faith.
Satan wanted to see if when all of Job’s wealth and family was gone if he would
still trust God. Job loses his children, servants, livestock, and home but Job
continues to trust God. In Job 2:9 Job’s wife even encourages him to curse God
and die. And Job replies in 2:10, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we
accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” In
chapter 10 Job begs God asking why this is happening to him. Job desires an
explanation for what he is going through, and he asks God for one. And then God
in chapter 38 asks Job a series of questions instead of directly answering him.
Job 38: 1-13
“Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind: Who is this
that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Brace yourself like a man,
because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.
Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Tell me, if you know so much. Who determined its dimensions and stretched out
the surveying line? What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone
as the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?
Who kept the sea inside its boundaries as it burst from the
womb, and as I clothed it with clouds and wrapped it in thick darkness? For I
locked it behind barrel gates, limiting its shores.
Have you ever commanded the morning to appear and caused the
dawn to rise in the east? Have you made daylight spread to the ends of the
earth, to bring an end to the night’s wickedness?”
And this is how I relate to Job, I cannot answer these
questions, just as Job could not. I am not God and my ways are never best. But
God is sovereign, he holds the whole world in the palm of his hand and HE is
ALWAYS at work. His ways are always best and my job is to trust Him and know
with confidence that HE is Sovereign.
