Seasons of love

It’s final debrief. My mind keeps mulling over the word “final”, and I keep thinking of the things that I want to do before the Race ends:

 

* I want (and need) to start filling out our re-entry packet, the one that helps us ease back into life in the States, that maybe stops some of our “flip out” moments. (Like when you cry holding a box of Froot Loops or when you forget which side of the road you’re supposed to drive on.)

 

* I still want Seth Barnes or Matt Snyder to comment on one of my blogs, just because, well, that’d be pretty awesome. (Maybe, if you know them, you could suggest a previous blog for them to read…) 

 

* I want to make more memories with my squadmates. (The writer of Peter Pan once said, “God gave us memories so that we could have roses in December.” I’ve always thought that was such a beautiful sentiment, and I know I’ll cling to these memories the first few weeks back home.)

 

* I want to buy a dress for our final dinner as a squad, and a few things to say “thank you” to people who have loved and supported me back home.

 

* I want to eke out as much growth, encouragement and feedback from people here that I can.

 

* I want to laugh and cry and hug and just be in the presence of the people I’ve done these things with for the last 11 months.

 

In month 2, it seemed crazy to us that H Squad was about to end their time on the Race. Later, it was absolutely insane that I Squad had ended their 11 months and that we were now the oldest squad on the field. Even in Month 10, I didn’t quite believe that this would be over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We live through things for a season and then we experience change, which brings about growth and new challenges. So, while I will grieve the ending of this season in my life- this crazy, hard, amazing season- I will also look back on it with thanksgiving. And I will look forward to the next season of my life with hope and expectancy (but not expectations! AIM will tell you that those are nasty little things to have and they are right).  Graduate school will be the next season of my life and I have no reason not to expect God to move there  as I’ve seen Him move around the world. The God that loves the orphans in the Philippines and the children in Africa loves the students at CMU, too.

 

 

 

Ireland was a season of learning about trust and vulnerability, even if it didn’t sink in for a while. It was a season of meeting some great women of God and getting to know what it meant to be a World Racer.

 

Romania was a season of learning from those who’d gone before. I talked to Team Manna so much and gleaned so much wisdom from its members. The Awakening was a time to see all the squads on the field rally together, to praise and worship and study together. A season of learning.

 

Montenegro was a healing season in many ways. It was a season of being pursued by God, in little reminders of my loved ones at home, and big reminders of how great our God is. It was also a season to really begin to see the “least of these” and what that looks like with the Roma kids.

 

Israel was a season of learning more about myself and what it means to search for God.

 

Turkey was a season of seeing a country who has turned to a false God. It was a season of new friendships and finding bits of home in far away places.

 

Kenya was a season of hope, of joy. I absolutely loved this month and found so much love in many of the women there. We spent one afternoon at a home for the disabled, run by nuns, and I was taken aback by how much I wanted to help  in this way.

 

Uganda was a season of abandonment, or learning to rely and depend solely on God. I didn’t take this season easily! It was a tough, but we don’t get stronger if we aren’t tested and tried. It was also a season of learning to let go of some long-held beliefs about myself that were really just holding me back.

 

Tanzania was a season of stepping out- of becoming more comfortable speaking in front of others. Teaching English almost every day will do that!

 

The Philippines was a season of love. It was a time to love the orphans, to love everyone we handed food to. It was a month to see God in the beauty of the countryside, in the beauty of the country’s people, in the beauty of redemption and love (especially in Kikim and all the other young men in the jail).

 

Cambodia was a season of sweating. Just kidding! It was a season of learning to push past any tiredness, any discomfort. Goodness, I ate grasshoppers to form more bonds with the girls! We also taught English.

 

Thailand was a season of community, in so many ways. It was also a season to see how I’ve changed and grown from the previous seasons, to see a spiritual gift at work.

 

I’ll miss spontaneous dance parties and theological discussions over breakfast. I’ll miss crying for no good reason with Ashlee…and then having a good reason to cry with her. I’ll miss feedbacks (did I just say that?) and honest moments. I’ll miss trips to the 7-11 to get chocolate milk. I’ll miss being excited by running water or being able to flush toilet paper. I’ll miss things like soul ties and generational curses being normal things to talk about. I’ll miss trying to explain something to Marissa in my broken Spanish.

 

And yet I look forward to meeting the niece who was born on my birthday in April, who I’ve only seen in pictures and once on Skype. I look forward to coffee with my grandma and hugging my parents. I look forward to getting to know my new roommates for grad school and talking to everyone at my church. I look forward to learning about the previous seasons of those I love, and to hearing what they look forward to, as well.

 

                                   Our God is a God of seasons.

 

                                                                                                     And I’ll be thankful for them all.

 

Ecclesiasted 3:1-8

¹ To everything there is a season,
           A time for every purpose under heaven: 
² A time to be born, 
           And a time to die; 
   A time to plant,
           And a time to pluck what is planted; 
³ A time to kill,
            And a time to heal;
      A time to break down, 
             And a time to build up; 
⁴ A time to weep,
        And a time to laugh; 
   A time to mourn, 
        And a time to dance; 
⁵ A time to cast away stones,
           And a time to gather stones; 
     A time to embrace,
            And a time to refrain from embracing; 
⁶ A time to gain,
          And a time to lose; 
    A time to keep,
            And a time to throw away; 
⁷ A time to tear,
          And a time to sew; 
    A time to keep silence,
           And a time to speak; 
⁸ A time to love…