Looking back over the last few years my happiest moments haven't been what most people think they might have been or even what they think they should have been. I've become very good at "acting" happy when in reality it is killing me inside. My favorite times and the only times I really feel alive now are when I am talking about God. Being blunt, most of the time I honestly feel like talking about anything else is pretty pointless. I hate the devil and everything he stands for, all the sin, all the hurt, the lies, and more importantly all my evil deeds that continually nail my Lord to that cross.
My heart is so much different than it once was. My flesh is still tempted to go back to my old antics but it leaves my soul empty, wanting more, wanting Jesus. Too often, my pride of being rejected keeps me from being who I actually am. The son of the King, the one that Jesus loves. I sometimes even Fear telling people that I'm going on the race, for Fear that I will fail or that I won't make it all the way through.
I sometimes feel like I can relate with Paul. Once having absolutely nothing to do with Christ and stood in exact opposition, to having this fire burning within that just wants to tell everyone who will listen about the Gospel. I hate to say it, but this burning desire is all too often not quenched, making my soul ache as I want so badly people to meet my Savior. Not just meet him and have it end there, I want them to KNOW Him, for Him to be their TREASURE, because something changes in your heart when you encounter the Creator of the Universe.
Pride and Fear do not come from the Lord, so I pray that these desires will be burned away and that the Love for Jesus and his Word will well up in my very being, becoming the natural overflow that comes from my tongue.
Romans 1:16
For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes
