Therefore, take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.
Ephesians 6:13
So in part 1, I talked about the spiritual atmosphere of Malawi and some of the experiences we had with that during ministry. As I hinted at the end of the blog, one thing I’ve learned during the first five months on the Race is that when I enter a place, I’m most likely going to be affected by that spiritual atmosphere, especially if not prepared. The same held true for Malawi.
I suppose it actually began a couple months before getting to Malawi. I had written in previous blogs about my struggles in Ireland and Moldova. As that spiritual complacency settled in, it began to grow, even more than I was realizing. As I entered Malawi, where the spiritual warfare is much greater than in Ireland or Moldova, my lack of preparedness began to show. I wasn’t seeking after God and building myself up for the battles that were to come. During my first couple weeks in Malawi, I struggled hard. Spiritual oppression overwhelmed me, and I began to just stop having any desire to spend time with God. I began to buy into the lies that it just didn’t do any good, and nothing was going to satisfy. There were many times when I was just ready just to be done, not just with the Race, but with my walk in general. I was stuck in this place of a catch-22. The reason I was spiritually drained and empty was because I wasn’t spending time with God but yet because of the spiritual attacks, I had no desire to spend time with God. I was in a place where, in my mind, there was nowhere I could turn for fulfillment.
In the second to last week in Malawi, I began to hit rock bottom. I was completely spiritually drained, lacking joy, and to the point of being hopeless. One morning, I hit rock bottom and had about an hour period where I was just a complete jerk/five year old to my teammates. You know those times where you just snap at everything? Yep, that happened. But God, in His faithfulness and goodness, began to use that to open my eyes and to restore me. Obviously, when I acted like a complete jerk, it opened my eyes that something needed to change. That afternoon, I just sat with God and let Him talk to me and restore me. That night, I shared with my teammates the struggles I had been going through (along with apologizing for the way I had acted that morning, of course), and they prayed for me. God was beginning to bring me out of the pit. Over the next few days, I still continued to struggle with oppression, but God wasn’t finished yet.
My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline or be weary of His reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom He loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
Proverbs 3:11-12
Throughout the Old Testament, we see God’s wrath and discipline upon Israel as they continue to turn away from Him. But what is key is that God never completely destroys Israel; yes, He allows them to be attacked and taken captive by other nations, but He never completely wipes them out. You see, God’s discipline and wrath upon Israel was to teach them and to bring them to a point of repentance and growth. God does the same in our lives. In my last week in Malawi, God finally began to give me freedom from the spiritual oppression I was facing. He began to restore my joy, and more importantly, He began to snap me out of the complacency I had been in for months. As I look back at the month, I realize that God had a purpose in the attacks and struggles I went through. God was using His loving discipline to open my eyes to what He wanted for me. Now I have more hunger for God than I’ve had in a long time; I’ve been reminded of the purpose of my salvation: to share His glory with the nations. My passion for that has been brought to new heights. I’m done with the complacent life I’d been living in and ready to sprint forward for everything He has for me. And I owe it all to this past month of struggles and God’s loving discipline.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Psalm 51:12
