Embracing the Uncertainty of Certainty

…Something Stephen said has really been running through my mind. We were talking about the future, and he said, “It’s okay not to have everything figured out.” “For everything to be a question mark,” I stated. “Yes. Exactly! It’s okay. Embrace the question mark. Embrace the uncertainty. It is a beautiful beautiful thing. Incredibly scary. But it is wonderful and scary and beautiful all at the same time. So, embrace it.” That was his slightly eloquent way of telling me that it is okay for me to not have everything figured out. He said, “We all figure out who we are at different times. We all figure out what we want and where we’re going at different times in our lives.” (That was what lead into the “embrace the ?” part of our conversation)… [I chose to write this down and post it in my dorm room] To remind me that no matter what, the uncertainty of tomorrow -the question mark- is beautiful. That God’s path stretches before me and it is beautiful. The journey He has for me is beautiful. And the fact that I can’t see it yet brings about the question mark. It brings up uncertainty, which is scary. But as scary as it is, the beauty of it all is far more brilliant and overpowering. Embrace the ?; the uncertainty. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

Those were some excerpts of a few jounral entries from my senior year of college. Reading these past thoughts as I wrestled with apprehension over my squad and the race really encouraged me. During that time in my life, I knew that there was something incredible in store. I knew, even though I couldn’t see. Over time, I thought I knew what God’s plan held. I expected it to go a certain way, and I started to plan accordingly. But two months after graduation that plan changed. Well, actually, my plans changed. My expectations were deflated and shattered. Yet, now I know, it was God’s plan all along. Just a few months ago, when my future was once again taunting me, a dear lady from church, Mrs. Sharon, confidently reminded me that God’s plan does not change. “Who’s in charge of your life?” she asked in her lovely British accent. “God,” I quietly and knowingly replied. “Exactly! And His plan does not change.”

God’s plan does not change.

Wow. That’s something to remember for this journey. And it is so clear to see this truth as I look back on the journey He has already given me to live over the course of these 22 and a half years. Oh, and another thing, all that apprehension? It’s rooted in uncertainty. Rooted in the fact that I don’t know what is to come, but like I learned two years ago this October, “following the certainty of Christ leads you down the greatest path of uncertainty in life. But I’ll keep following because He knows where I’m headed, even if I’m blind…”

 

This is what He has called me to do. No matter what crazy things occur or the times when plans change. No matter if I or my team or our squad mess up. His plan does not change. W-O-W.

I’ve heard through the grapevine (aka reading countless WR blogs until all hours of the morning), that at TC and throughout this entire process, you’re encouraged as a racer to leave your expectations behind. Things won’t always happen as planned. Sometimes things will be worse than you could have ever thought, but I have a feeling that in each and every moment of this adventure, God is going to show up.
And show up BIG.

So my expectations? Well, they look a little more like certainties.
I am certain that God is going to continue changing me; to continue making me into who He wants me to be.
Who is that exactly? I’m a little uncertain, but I’m certain He knows.

I am certain that my personal bubble will be absolutely destroyed by my team and squad aka my family, even though I may be a little uncertain about all of them right now.

I am certain God will reveal passions in each and every one of us that we never knew were in our hearts.

I am certain God is going to show us what true dependency on Him looks like, but I’m absolutely uncertain as to what events will occur to draw us closer to Him in that way.

I am certain that this is going to be the hardest year of my life.

I am also certain it is going to be one of the best years of my life.

I am certain that God is going to lead us to incredible places to work with His people in some amazing ways, even if we’re very uncertain as to where or who those places and people are.

I am certain that I am going to wake up every day a little uncertain about what is to come but I’ll rest in and embrace each and every uncertain moment. Why?