I used to be opposed to re-baptism. In all honesty I used to think it was stupid. If you wanted to do it, go for it, but I never saw the point. I mean in the Creed, it says “I acknowledge ONE baptism for the remission of sins”. I was baptized as a baby, I was never going to be baptized again.
God has this way of taking anything that I say I’m never going to do, and getting me to do it. I said I would never be vegetarian and a few years later I become one and stayed one for 6 years. I only stopped when I started the Race.
In Costa Rica at debrief, I was blessed to be able to witness some squadmates getting baptized by one of our squad coaches. Some had never been baptized before, and some were being rebaptized. I was so proud of them and excited for them. In the excitement of getting ready to go out to the ocean and baptize them I heard that still small voice speak to me. “You need to do this too”
I didn’t believe it at first. My first reaction was a flat out “no”. There was no way I was going to be baptized.
The entire time I felt the nudge of God telling me to go and do it but each time I refused. It started out as one person getting baptized, but then our squad coach asked if anyone else wanted to be baptized. I heard God whisper “this is your chance”. I refused again. This same thing happened a couple more times, and I still refused.
Each time I refused, I could feel my spirit get more and more uneasy. Once the moment had passed and everyone had gone off. I slowly was hit with the gravity of my own disobedience. I could feel the intimacy with the Father that I had fought for so hard over the past month start to slip away. I could feel myself being distanced from him.
Why did I say no? I think a big part of it was pride. I felt like it made me a lesser Christian if I needed to be baptized. I don’t feel like that when other people get baptized, why would I feel like that for myself? I was self-conscious in front of a squad that loves me. I was stubborn and stuck in my old views and ways of thinking.
In my disobedience, I reasoned with God. I told him that IF he provided me an opportunity to be baptized in the Pacific with just my team around, and if someone asked me if I wanted to be baptized. Only then I would do it.
I’ve been learning a lot about how God is our redeemer. He takes our mistakes and our sins and can turn them into something beautiful.
I found out later that half my team was in town and didn’t even know about the baptisms happening. I would have been so disappointed if they weren’t there.
Flash forward now to El Salvador, nearly 3 months later.
We had planned to have a retreat for the girls at the home to have a beach retreat. When we were discussing with our host about topics we could discuss, baptism came up. Op! I felt a little nudge from Holy Spirit.
When we were discussing who would feel comfortable baptizing the girls if that was something they wanted. I thought I would, but then I heard a voice within me say “how can you baptize someone when you haven’t been baptized yourself”. *ouch*
There was some drama with the retreat but the short version is that the girls weren’t able to come but we made it a staff retreat with a couple of the Tias (Aunts).
During the evening of the first day we got there, my team was sitting around the table and the topic of baptism came up. We talked about what baptisms means, and why it’s important. One of the things we brought up is that it’s a public statement of what you believe. We started to laugh and tease that we must have been bold babies then!
We then started to talk about when we first did make our own statement of faith, whether it was rebaptism or a sacrament or whatever it was. I mentioned that I never felt like I had one. I told them about me in Costa Rica. Andrea chimed in “Do you want to be baptized here”. Without hesitation, without being able to overthink it, I said “yes!”
The beach was one of the most gorgeous places I have ever been! It was a private beach with black sand, with a giant bluff on either side. There was a small cave on one side that looked like it belonged in an adventure magazine. The beach was littered with little crabs and snails holding on with all their might. I can’t remember the last time I watched a sunrise that beautiful either. It had already became a place where I encountered God intensely before this thought had even been presented.
I was baptized the next morning by team Sista Fiece, who I fiercely loved and who fiercely loved me. I was baptized in the Pacific Ocean (the ocean of peace) on the most gorgeous beach I’ve been on, during what’s so far been my favorite month on the Race.
I didn’t expect to feel any different afterwards, but honestly I did. It was little things, but all together they changed the way I viewed certain things, felt, and acted.
Every one of my demands God met and surpassed what I had expected. He turned my disobedience into something beautiful. He redeemed me. There’s nothing I can do to make him love me any more or any less. No mistake is too big for him and his love for you
He loves you because he loves you because he loves you because he loves you because he loves you…
