We were asked to write a blog about how we were called to this mission trip. Here is my story…
Well If you’ve read the blog Amherst Retreat then you probably know how I was called to this mission trip, but I am going to go a little deeper, and a little further back.
I was raised a Christian, I was a believer in the Almighty God, and I knew He was good. However, I would not say we had much of a relationship. I knew Him, He knew me, that’s about it. When I was scared or in trouble, I would turn to Him. In other words, I had fire insurance…you know the, “I’m a Christian so I’m going to Heaven,” type attitude. Growing up I tried to live right, but I was young and fell into the idea that death was so far away and nothing I needed to worry about. I went off to college and after a while of living the “college life” I had pretty much turned away from the Lord. He would convict me, but I would choose not to listen. I allowed myself to get involved with things I would not have before and to do things I would not have done. I lived this way for a while. After a few years of this I remember waking up one day and having a desire to know the Lord, to really KNOW HIM. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking, I don’t know…I just don’t know. I didn’t know if I died that very day where I would go. Wow! I had never thought that before. I was terrified. How could I not know? I begin seeking churches and trying to turn my life around, but there was just so much there that I didn’t want to let go of. I cried out to the Lord and He heard me. He used Joel Osteen to bring me back to him. I will forever be grateful that Joel listened to the Lord and following His calling, because that is who the Lord used for my calling back to Him. I re-dedicated my life to the Lord and found a church. The Lord then did an amazing change in my life. It was a process, but one that happened so quickly. Suddenly all I desired was the Lord and to know Him, to love Him, and to believe Him, not just believe IN Him. Then I discovered an amazing passion. It was a passion for women, for God’s women. I had this burning desire in my heart to minister to women, especially young women and women of all types of abuse. This passion grew so strong and I could not deny it was the Lord, and soon after this passion, came the desire to spread His word. I wanted and still do, to shout His praises from the roof tops! I would imagine going to other countries and speaking the Gospel. I developed a desire to go to Israel. I could never explain how much I truly wanted to be used by the Lord. I never even imagined it possible. I knew God had plans for me that were beyond my wildest dreams, but I thought and assumed they would be here, at home, maybe in the local church, maybe doing non-profit work. I’ve never had a particular career path, my family and friends have always laughed because I want to do everything and I’ve worked in every field. God had never really “shown” me what I would be doing. I just got to the point where all that truly mattered was whatever I was doing I was doing it for the Lord. So that’s what I did. I became very involved in my church and the women’s ministry there as well as the singles ministry and just about every other time of service the church offers. And that was life. I would maybe one day go back to school, maybe get a masters degree, if I ever figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. Until the retreat.
The Amherst Retreat changed my life and how blessed I am because of it.
So here I am, 4months away, putting all my faith in my Father, believing that He has provided every penny needed, every supply required and every hearts desire to make this journey for Him. I now have an idea of the different countries I’m going to, I am meeting people who have been such encouragers, and I’m developing closer relationships with family and friends! God has me teaching a Beth Moore Bible Study, and has now called me to teach another one, “Every Young Woman’s Battle”.
I have no idea what God has in store for me, and honestly, I’m ok with that. God knows my heart, He knows that for years I’ve been spoiled, selfish, and stubborn. I know He is going to break me…and how I desire that! I cry out to the Lord daily, Lord break me, break me to the point that I can’t be broken any more, humble me to the place where I can’t have an ounce of pride, remove all of me from me, I want to be empty of who I have been, I want to be full of Him and Him alone!
