Panama: Full Throttle

 

     While in Panama we stayed at a place called PROVida. PROVida is a home for children that have been abandoned, abused, or malnourished due to extreme poverty. The children at PROVida are ages 6mo. to 16 years old. There are multiple PROVida homes around Panama City housing almost 400 children in all. We did everything with the kids while we stayed with them – sometimes it was hard to tell the difference between the kids and us. We ate what they ate (no exceptions), we played what they played, we slept when they slept (bed bugs, mosquitoes, and all), we learned what they learned (homework help), and I even found myself getting into trouble when they got into trouble!  I had a blast with these kids, and they taught me so much! I found myself waking up each morning, shaking off the exhaustive heat famous to Panama and jumping headlong into another full day of uncertainty.

 

     Before I knew it I was giving my 100% everyday like I’d never given it before on the race. It was exhausting, draining, and wonderful. I don’t know what made me “kick it into turbo”, if it was because I knew the kids didn’t have much or that I just quickly grew to love them and wanted to share everything with them – my time, my energy, my peace, my quiet, and eventually my heart – they had it all, and it made all the difference. I didn’t realize until the end, but by the time I walked out the door of PROVida for the last time and said goodbye to Carlos, Jose, Cristin, Eileen, Maylin, Laura, Manuel, Sherly, and Miguel I was empty – hands open, empty. I gave it all. No regrets, nothing left over.

 

    Operating in that way required me to fill up everyday from the Word and from prayer. There was no way I could operate in my own strength on this one – to God be the glory – He was my constant fuel! In this way, I was learning such a need for complete dependency on the Lord for every step I took. Looking back I know I was in turbo speed, but why hadn’t I been doing life like this since day one of the race? What did I do different this time that carried me above the circumstantial obstacles? For me, it came down to a choice. During my time at PROVida I chose Christ’s strength, power, and way over mine for each moment. Turbo speed is what life is always supposed to look like (no matter what the speed limit signs say), operating fully in the power of the Holy Spirit.  My hope is that I don’t forget that.