I have been struggling to write another blog update from my training camp experience. I have been wanting to write another blog to update but needed time to process everything this week. I can’t believe it’s been a week since camp has ended. I miss my fellow racers and can’t wait to be reunited in January:)
As I was sitting and reflecting on camp and my experience I was reminded of one day during worship. The worship leader was telling us how she felt that some of us were keeping God in a box. We were being held back by fears and doubts. I know that myself personally I put God in a box for a long time and never let him come out. At one point she told us were going to let God out of our boxes. We held out our hands the size of a small box, then we had to imagine that it was an actual box. We then took that box and smashed it on the floor. I threw it down on the floor good and hard. Then we had jump on it and smash it to pieces. I kept thinking how funny this must look with everyone doing it together. Yet it felt soo good and freeing. I finally felt like I had let God out of the box I always kept him in. We then sang and rejoiced over our broken down boxes. God is so much bigger then we can ever imagine:)
Another important moment at camp for me was realizing that I had let my past mistakes define who I am today. I have been weighed down by all that I did in the past and the mistakes I made. Instead of letting God define me I let the outward experiences define me. One time during worship and prayer I was able to express that to someone and to be freed from that. I felt like such a weight had been lifted. I didn’t even realize that was true in my life until the words came out of my mouth. God kept opening up doors for me to realize the garbage in my life I needed to get rid of.
I don’t want to make this too long and boring but one final moment that defined me during camp was near the end of the week. I had been struggling for a couple days with the fact that I was a queit person and that big groups of people intimidate me. I felt at times I had to step back and take a breath from everything. I feIt I had nothing to give to the group. I knew that we were being watched by staff as our final interview. I knew they were praying for us and wanting what was best for us in terms of groups etc. But for a few days I kept thinking that I was going to be asked to go home because I wasn’t socialable enough or loud enough. I felt attacked and that I couldn’t express these concerns. Then one morning during a group exercise I finally broke down and told a staff my concerns and thoughts. My group was amazing in reassuring me that I had lots to offer the group and queit people have lots to offer others. When queiter people speak they usually have good stuff to share is what I was told. And now I believe I have something to offer to others regardless of who I am. I felt much more free to express myself after that.
I have to say that all of these experience shaped me and helped me to be stronger today. I just pray that I may continue in this journey and not get discouraged by the world around me. I want to model Christ and what he has done for me to others in my work and social groups.
