Shiny Plastic People

 

(Stained Glass Masquerade-Casting Crowns)

 

 

I am going to be completely honest with all of you.

For the last few weeks, I have not gone to church. It has really hit me that people are not what they seem at church. I don’t want to judge others, because I am the same way…

Do I raise my hands to be closer to God or do I do it because it is a learned behavior.  Am I just going through the motions of church? I see people in the church raising their hands when lyrics of a song tell them too… Is that why the artist wrote those words? To help people go through the motions or to get them excited for church?

No church is perfect.

This brings me to pure worship. In Africa, my team and I walked to the orphanage where the girls lived, to worship with them. We were quite a way out and could hear singing in the distance. We knew at that moment that it was our girls worshiping God. The girls at the orphanage led their own bible study and worship every night. It was like a mini revival every night in their compound.

I know it wasn’t perfect, but to me, it was beautiful, unhindered worship.

The girls sang at the top of their lungs, all doing their own melody and harmonies. Some of them breaking off and adding their own words on the breaks of the songs. They didn’t care if they sang off key, if someone heard them, or if someone was watching them worship The Almighty.

Though they worshiped in song like this, they were still burdened. They were still putting on a facade. You could see the pain behind their eyes. things they have seen. Things they have heard. Things they didn’t want others to know. Bricks that kept getting more concrete slabbed on. 

Brokenness

One of the nights, we gave the girls a break from their normal worship. We did a few worship songs (new ones for them to learn since they taught us some) as well as a little skit that night. The skit was about Jesus carrying our burdens, no matter what they were. Everytime we added something to his body, he would sink lower (from the weight), but still went on and grabbed more. By the end of the skit, the girls were bawling. Bawling doesn’t give what happened justice… They were wailing! I had never seen anything so raw (And I grew up pentecostal). These girls were letting out their hurts, frustrations, their emptiness that they felt. What hurt me the most through this was the girls counselor. She was telling the girls that their emotions were too high and they needed to calm down. (basically) There were many of us that felt that the wailing shouldn’t stop. We felt as if she was helping the girls put on the concrete on some of the broken bricks. These girls were hurting and needed a good wail.

 

There are times when I feel like I need a good wail, but I am not sure why. Why would I wail? I just feel Blah… Yes, things are hard, but I have parents who love me, siblings who care and people who are willing to listen and to help me tear down the bricks. Yet I want to still be that shiny plastic person, who says she is happy, excited and thrilled about life and the direction it is going.   Yeah right…

I am a fake

I am not a happy go-lucky christian who has a perfect life. I suck at life everyday. I am ready to wail. I am ready to let go of the things that are hindering me in my walk with Christ. Satan does not get to have a foothold in the joy that I find in Christ. And although I suck at life, I know that there will be a great day, when my life is fully enveloped in Christ and all I have to worry about is not a worry at all, but just praise and admiration for my King!

Keep me accountable for being real with each and every one of you. This trip is going to change me a lot.. It has alredy changed me in ways that I can’t explain.  Thank you for being there!

 

 

Since I am being honest, I want to ask you to partner with me financially. YOu may only have $20 to spare this year during these hard times, but I still need to raise $4000 by Dec 15th, so that I can continue  on this great journey God has me on. PLEASE PRAY about it. let God show you his plan.

Please e-mail me with any questions you may have as well!

Love ya!!