Have you ever been in a place where nothing you try works? a place where anything you try fails and your soul is restless. i was in this place at the start of 2010 (what a way to start out the new years, i know right.) i was exploring the idea of transferring to another college and pursuing my dream of going to Georgia Tech. But something inside of me kept saying no, not now. so i started praying a completely abandoned prayer. my prayers were that God would open and close doors and make it so evidently clear to me that this is what he has. and to give my grace to walk out what he has.
so i prayed this and i came home from work one day and my dad and i were chit chatting and he mentioned that i should do the world race. and i was like really, lets go on the website and just see what its about. pause: a year ago, i was in college in atlanta and got very sick and had to come home for a year, someone mentioned to me when i got home that I should do the world race, she thought that it was right up my alley. my response to her was,” no, no, you don’t understand, i have to go to school, that is what is expected of me. it is my future” honestly, i quickly dismissed the idea, unopened to idea of a missions trip for a year that would put what i had in mind for my future on hold. unpause: so dad and i sat and watched for hours video after video of what the world race was all about. as we were watching these videos something inside of my consumed my body, my mind was racing, my palms were sweating and i was like oh boy, can this be it. dad and i decided that the smart thing to do would be to pray for a couple days and we would talk after that and decide then. that very night, i dreamed of what life would be like on the world race.
i knew the next day that the world race was for me.YAY 🙂 for the first time, i experienced the peace of God. true peace, i mean the kind that is undeniable. here i was searching, and God answered. my dreams, are coming true. for years i had prayed that God would just allow my type A personality to have a little glimpse into what my future holds and NOTHING. no answers, no glimpses, no visions, no dreams. NOTHING! it was part of my journey to learn to trust fully in God. i would say that deep inside of me i knew that i was called into the ministry, but i was SO scared. God spoke to me like 3 years ago and said, once you answer the call, it will cost you your life. and i do not mean cost in a bad way, but cost me everything that is normal. he has called me to be a john the baptist, to be set apart. i have known this for a long time but scared to answer that. not knowing what my future would look like or being able to not plan my future like i wanted to. so here i am answering the call. the call to live outside what is expected, outside of “normal”. and the world race is for sure not what is normal to me. it is forsaking all of my comforts and stepping out into the unknown. i am being swept away by the complete abandonment to the love of christ. God has given me a verse to pray over the next months as i prepare to leave.
2 corinthians 5; 13-15: For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; or if we are of sound mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.
