I am a daughter of God, but I did not always feel that way. I had always heard the term Heavenly Father in church, when we spoke about God. I even said this same phrase as I prayed, but I did not feel like I could claim the title of God’s daughter.
I struggled for many years with feeling like I was unable to be loved. I committed too many sins and all I could see was judgment in God’s eyes as He looked down at me. God could not love me because I did not love myself.
I was not the person I thought I would grow up to be and I was unable to receive the grace that God was constantly extending to me. Love was a word that people used, but more often than not that word held no meaning for those people and I began to see it as the same. I blindly walked through life without seeing the love of God that He gave out repeatedly to me. My shame, guilt and hurt chained me down and left me feeling broken.
On the race, I consistently heard over and over that we were meant to walk in freedom as God’s children because Jesus broke the chains that were meant to hold us down. I am a very visual person and wrapping my head around this concept was one that I struggled with. I wanted freedom, but I did not know what it looked like to walk in freedom.
When my squad leaders and mentor speak of walking in freedom, they are talking about allowing God to break the chains that keep us from being able to be fully His and leaving behind the past that has held power over us. Yes, Jesus broke these chains when He died on the cross; however, sometimes I believe that we lock the chains on ourselves by consistently choosing that sin over choosing God and His redemption.
I found freedom on a sweltering day in Planeta Rica, Colombia. It was 100 degrees, with the sun beating down on us and little to no breeze coming through. The concrete floor of the church that gave us some semblance of cold could no longer stay cool due to the heat. The pastor’s wife called to my team that lunch was ready. The heat affected my appetite the most. I could not eat heavy food and most of what we were served seemed heavy for my stomach.
I prayed as I walked up the stairs for lunch that the Lord would allow us to have ham and cheese sandwiches, the only thing I had been able to eat. At the end of my prayer I looked up from the last step and there on the table was a ham and cheese sandwich for me. I knew in that moment the magnitude of God’s love for me and that I truly was a daughter of God.
NEVER dismiss the small moments that God shows up because in those moments you could find the key that you have been looking for, for so long.
Once I saw myself as a daughter of God, I was able to begin walking in freedom of knowing I no longer have to live in fear of God’s judgment. Walking freedom does not mean that the sins you have struggled with in your past will not come up again, but it means that when they do, we can choose the freedom that we have been given.
I do not live anymore as if I have something to fear because I know who my Father is. I have the freedom to live with love and peace in my life, even on the hardest of days. Freedom is work and completely worth it.
