I couldn’t make you wait too long, so here it is! 🙂
Let’s return to that Friday night at our Church family gathering. Earlier in the night, our contact’s wife, Aya, had talked about Psalm 23, specifically where it says that he “prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies” and asked us to reflect on what that means in our life. Who are our enemies? (hint: Ephesians 6) What does it look like that God prepares us a feast in their presence? What is on that table? I’ve always taken that verse with a grain of salt, not really seeking the meaning of it. I guess I always pictured it like God and I were behind a pane of glass, heartily munching on our roast beef and pie, while laughing at the enemies trapped behind the glass as they gawk in bewilderment. But God showed me a different picture that night. He showed me a banquet table in the midst of a powerful and active battlefield. It didn’t make any sense. How could God come into our battle, in the presence of our enemies, in the middle of our chaos, despite our fears, failures, and frustrations, and prepare a banquet table? It’s easier for me to think of God as One who comes into our battles, fights them for us, or takes us out of them and then celebrates. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what could be on that table until I could wrap my mind around that action of God.
So when the offer was given to receive prayer for any discouragement, frustrations, or hunger for more of the Spirit, I was more than ready. The man who made the offer came over to me and just knelt down before me, taking my hand in his, and began to pray blessings over me. He spoke so much truth into my life, and told me that he saw me in the dining room with Jesus, as part of His family, and how happy He was that I was there. That God was so thrilled that I was coming alongside Him in this journey, and how proud He is of me every day. These are all things I’ve heard before. But this time, these words hit me in a whole new way. I had a feeling in my chest that felt as though a band-aid had been torn from my heart. It was as if this man had come down to my level to say “come on, let’s get rid of that bandage so we can see what we’re dealing with and fix this thing”. For the next 10 minutes or so, he prayed blessing and encouragement over me as I sat there and cried. A few other people from my squad, and one elderly Japanese man, made their way over to me with various words of wisdom and encouragement. I felt a shift, a change, and it was as if I could see my race with new eyes for the first time in a long time.
I think, just maybe, God has allowed my expectations for this race – my expectations of seeing Him move in miraculous ways and feeling His spirit within me each and every day – to be left unmet. For me to continue to grasp for Him and wonder if He’s slipping through my fingers. For me to go as far as to question whether or not the World Race is worth the time, effort, and stress required for what feels like so little life-change. Maybe He allows all these things, because I still need to learn how to find him in the middle of my battle. I don’t need to wait for the amazing stories of lives changed to rejoice in the power of my Savior. God is God, and God is at work in this world. That doesn’t change whether I see it or not. He doesn’t stop changing my heart whether I feel it or not. And when I can truly rest in that knowledge, I can look back on my race thus far and celebrate what God has done, because it’s not about me. It’s about:
The 20+ students in China that we were able to share the gospel with, and the amazing friends we made.
The women that work on the bar streets of Thailand that we loved and showed their value and their worth, and the children of the slums whose lives were touched by our care and affection.
The multitude of Cambodian students who we taught English to, and the number of people we lived life with and encouraged with God’s immense love.
The children in Malaysia who learned what true love looks like through firm but fair instruction of important life skills and behavioral lessons.
And the missionaries in Japan we are working with at the preschool, and the non-Christian families who are hosting our stay and experiencing who Christ really is through our love and encouragement.
This is my Race so far. It’s not even half over. And it’s so very worth it!
