For as long as I can remember I have been pretty good at placing people in my life that will not hurt me. It is safe to say, I think, that no one likes to be heartbroken. That feeling of helplessness, loneliness and lovelessness that follows heartbreak is not a fun feeling. Therefore, I run from it. This mindset, along with other things, is why I have stayed single all my life. Experience has taught me that if I don’t put myself in a position to be hurt, I won’t be.
Enter India.
My team is working with an orphanage called Sarah’s Covenant Homes. (Click that link, you won’t regret it) Basically SCH takes in handicap orphans who would otherwise be disregarded in Indian society. You see, most Indians are Hindu. Hinduism believes in reincarnation, therefore if you are born with any handicap, they believe you must have done something terrible in your past life to deserve such a life. These children are immediately placed in the “untouchables” cast. Most of the children at SCH were found abandoned and the government sent them to SCH to be taken care of.
We were told on our first day of ministry that we would be choosing a “best buddy” at one of the homes. This buddy is a child who we feel the Lord leading us to spend extra time with. This. Is. Terrifying. “Are you telling me that I am to spend lots of time loving and hugging on this beautiful child, and then in 3 weeks, walk out of their lives?” Yes.
Let me reiterate. I run from situations where I know my heart is compromised. But this, I cannot run from this. I must say yes to heartbreak. I know, without a doubt, that I will and am falling in love with these children. I must willingly choose heartbreak because I know that if I do not let myself be completely invested, then I should just go home now.
My fear is that I will leave these children with another sense of abandonment. But, that is s lie. I can hear the enemy whispering that lie in my ear every day. My prayer is that when I leave in 3 weeks, that these kids won’t remember me at all. That when they look into my eyes, they do not see Rebekah, the green eyed blonde from America but, that they would see Jesus. I want to leave Jesus in their memories. Only Jesus.
Is there anywhere where you are holding back because you are afraid of being hurt? Is the Lord telling you to say, “Yes” to heartbreak?
This month, I choose heartbreak.
