Preface: You should read the first two parts of this series first. For part 1, about running, click here. For part 2, about how good God is, click here.
There’s something you should know about AIM culture: we like to get crazy when we worship. And by we, I usually mean everybody else, not me. I’m not the one jumping up and down on furniture or screaming at the top of my lungs. Most of the time. I mean, there are moments where I’m so moved by the Spirit and I start dancing or whatever, but I’m usually a pretty reserved person.
(worship at the Awakening conference in Ireland, 2010)
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with worshipping a little differently. I have a hard time being in a church service where people just stand there and move their lips without any show of emotion, but I also can get very distracted when people are jumping and spinning and waving flags and speaking out prayers over the music and that sort of thing, so I’ve looked for a nice neutral middle ground for a while. I’m aware of the fact that God speaks to everyone in different ways, and that He chooses different methods to meld our hearts with His. I’ve known that deeper intimacy was coming and that I just had to press in to it.
At the same time, though, I’ve gotten so focused on what others are doing during worship that I become self-conscious. I’ve wondered what “my style of worship” looks like to everyone else. I’ve wondered if people see me not raising my hands and silently judge me, saying I’m not as holy or worshipping with as much enthusiasm. I’ve wondered what people will think of me if I stand up and worship while everyone else is still sitting down. And I’ve let those things inhibit me – I’ve let them stand in the way of my relationship with God, of my heart connecting to His heart in its own unique way.
(one of the sweet girls worshipping in the orphanage in Delhi, from when I was there in 2005)
This weekend I was part of two different worship services, and while neither one was particularly spectacular, each took part in a shift for me in my walk with the Lord. The first was a Sunday evening service at Passion City Church in Atlanta, where Louie Giglio teaches and Chris Tomlin & Christy Nockels lead worship (and I’m not naming names because I’m so focused on the people, instead I wanted to give a bit of context). The singing times before the sermon were good, but I felt like I was missing something. I couldn’t figure out if there was something in the atmosphere or something inside me holding me back. And I’m not sure exactly what shifted during the message, but the worship at the end of the service was suddenly more meaningful, more personal, more about God connecting with me than me worrying about the people around me. The second worship time I took part in was Monday morning at the AIM office – we start our weeks off with a time of worship, which is fantastic. I mean, who wouldn’t want to start out Monday morning with their close friends praising God? Again, nothing particularly set apart this time as different from any of the others I’ve taken part in, but there was a shift inside me. I just closed my eyes and let the Spirit move. I wasn’t falling on the floor or spinning in circles or dancing, but just swaying in the Spirit, just allowing the manifest presence of God to fall on me and actually affect me. I opened my eyes at one point and realized I had moved a little bit, had turned from facing the front of the room toward the side, and was getting closer to one of my co-workers than I would have normally done…and it didn’t bug me. It didn’t matter to me what I looked like, or if people were looking at me – it was a time for me to be myself with God, for a time for Him to speak to me and sing over me.
It’s a sort of victory. A victory over me caring about what other people think. A victory over me being afraid of what the Spirit is doing when I worship. A victory over me, which allows me to focus on my Savior instead.
So this, my friends, is the last “small victory” I wanted to share with you (for now anyway – I’m sure there will continue to be more, but these three things happened so closely together that I needed to share them). I’d love to hear about some of the small victories you’ve seen in your lives lately! How have you seen God move?
