When
we first arrived in Swaziland, many of our teachings
were on spiritual gifts and what gifts each of us has and how to walk
out in those and take ownership of the gifts God has given us. I had
read 1 Corinthians 12 before (the “spiritual gifts chapter”)
and thought I knew everything I needed to know about my own gifts. I
was brought up in a church that didn’t really talk about the gifts
much, especially speaking in tongues and prophecy and healing. Those
kinds of things just “didn’t happen” anymore, so we swept
them under the rug. So when Gary Black told me I had the gift of
prophecy, that he could see it on me, I balked. I just backed away
because I had absolutely no idea how to take hold of that and no
desire to embrace something that I had grown up thinking was “dead.”
Throughout most of our time in Africa, people talked about spiritual
gifts and walking out in those gifts, and I just stayed in the
shadows. Part of me wanted to know what this was all about, but a
bigger part of me wanted to stay as far away as possible.
When
God set me free (read my blog series on taking it to the next level),
something inside me changed. I was no longer afraid of the gifts,
and I actually even started desiring them. I wasn’t completely
gung-ho yet, but things inside my heart were beginning to shift. I
started thinking seriously about spiritual gifts, and dug deeply in
to 1 Cor. 12 & 14 – in my Bible they’re labeled “Spiritual
Gifts” and “Gifts of Prophecy and Tongues”
respectively. And God began to change my heart even more.
Sometimes, even without thinking about it, I would start to act out
in a gifting. Once Renee said she had a headache, so I put my hands
on her head and prayed a simple prayer something like “God,
Renee’s head hurts, and I know that’s not from you. Please take the
pain away. Satan, I command you in Jesus’ name to leave my friend
alone.”
and immediately afterward, she said her head felt better.
Coincidence? Nope, that would be the gift of healing beginning to
take root in me.
Our
team had a discussion right before we left South Africa about what we
thought our gifts were. Each of us were allowed to give our lists of
the gifts we thought we had, and then the rest of our team added
things that they had seen in us. I started thinking about what gifts
I have, and was immediately brought back to what Gary said when we
first entered Swaziland – the gift of prophecy. At that point, I had
not seen anything in myself that would indicate that, but I mentioned
it anyway. I also mentioned healing, and right away one of my
teammates confirmed that by saying that the previous day when she had
been crying my hands on her were the only the only things that made
her be
able to stop. Wow – so I knew I had the gift of healing because of
Renee’s headaches…but this – WOW! So God is doing stuff in me. My
teammates helped me make a list of my gifts, and I have to admit,
most of them were things I was completely blind to while I was
walking in the darkness of fear and oppression. But now I can see so
clearly what God is doing through me.
The
other huge confirmation of one of my gifts actually came later that
day at lunch. I was talking with a couple girls from the January
squad (our paths collided for about a day and a half as they entered
Africa and we were leaving). Anyway, one of the girls mentioned a
note she had been given from someone on our squad and how she thought
it had to have been someone that knew her very well that wrote it.
What she didn’t know was that God had prompted me to write little
notes for everyone on their team, and I didn’t know this girl at all.
Coincidence? Definitely not! God is expanding me and using me to
speak to others in ways I had never thought of before. Who would
have thought a little note would have had such a profound impact? I
never expected while I was writing those notes that anything I wrote
would actually have an impact, but her
note said exactly what God wanted to say to her, and He used me to do
it. If that’s not a gift, I don’t know what is.
So
now I stand humbled and amazed.
Humbled because God actually chose to work through me. Amazed
because God does so much more than could ever imagine. I often feel
like I’m just an ordinary person, nothing special…but then God
comes and totally shakes my world around and reminds me that I’m His
child and there’s nothing
ordinary about being a child of the most high God.
He works
through me in the gift of prophecy – He uses me to bring His message
to others. He works through me in the gift of healing – allowing me
to bring both physical and emotional healing to those around me. He
has given me the gift of encouragement – to build up my teammates, my
squad, and everyone I meet. He has given me administration gifts –
most noticibally to take care of my team’s finances, but for many
other organizational things as well. He gave me great discernment –
to be able to distinguish between His truth and Satan’s lies. He has
given me compassion and mercy to reach out to the oppressed, the
downcast. He has chosen to work through me in so many ways I had
never expected…and it’s pretty stinking amazing.
And so I
continue to stand humbled and amazed, with my hands outstretched,
ready for God to speak to me and through me.
