This is part 2 of a 4-part series on taking it to the next level. To read part one, click here
Toward the beginning of our
month in Cape Town,
Cait had pictures for all of us that represented what she felt God saying to
her. The picture she gave me was a girl
(me) standing, facing outward, arms stretched wide in freedom and joy. A couple weeks later God gave me another
amazing picture of freedom: me twirling in a field of wild-flowers, dancing in
His presence without a care. I wish I
could say those pictures described where I was and what I was feeling at that
point in time…but I was about as far from freedom as one can get. I was living in bondage, hiding because of
insecurities and past failures, living in fear of both success and failure.
I wanted freedom, but I
didn’t want to have to do anything to get it.
I wanted freedom to be free, to be something that just sort-of came on
me without any effort on my part. I
didn’t want to work for it, didn’t want to sacrifice one thing in order to get
something that was infinitely better (though I didn’t recognize it at the
time). I didn’t really understand the cliché
“freedom isn’t free,” nor did I want to believe it…until a couple
days ago, that is.
I was burdened under a
spirit of depression and fear and rejection, and after talking to Gary determined that it’s
not physical stuff that’s weighing me down but instead was a huge spiritual
attack. Gary sent me home one afternoon and told me
to fast and pray and that we would get together with my team and conquer this
stuff the next morning. I got some
guidance of scriptures to read (I &II Timothy, I Corinthians 10:13, and
Psalm 34) and spent the rest of that night in prayer. I really felt God calling me to fast until
this was taken care of from my side (He reminded me that it’s already finished
and that He is ultimately victorious…but I didn’t want to believe that for a
long time)…and so when I found out that we weren’t going to be able to meet
the next morning I was kind of disappointed, but told God I would keep fasting
until it was done. Long story short, I
spent 4 days fasting and praying and struggling through things, broke my fast
for Jenn’s birthday dinner, and ended up praying and talking with Gary and my
team the morning after that. Not to
burden you with details, I’ll just say that God is good and that He is my
Deliverer and that I am free.
Psalm 34 was one of the
passages Gary
suggested I read, and it has spoken so much in to my life these past few
days. It’s amazing how I could read
things so many times before and not really get anything out of them, and then
read the same passage during a certain time in my life and have it speak
volumes to me. Verses 17-18 talk about
deliverance: “the righteous cry out and the
Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and
saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
I cried out to God and He heard me, He listened to my fears and
troubles and pain and struggles, and He heard me. He is close to me and wraps His arms around
me and saves me, He is my Deliverer and Savior and Father and Protector and He
loves me. Verse 22 confirmed some things
I had been learning over the past month: “the Lord
redeems His servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in
Him.” First,
He redeems me. But then…something even
more amazing that I can’t even fully grasp yet: I will not be condemned. It’s like Paul says in Romans 8:1: “There
is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” These guys were on to something. No condemnation. Wow.
Pretty powerful words there.
So this is my prayer: Lord Jesus, I want
to be free in You. I am free in
You. Set free my lips, that I will be
able to proclaim Your Name and sing praises to You. Set free my hands and feet that I’ll be able
to move however You want me to. Set free
my heart to worship You. Set me free
from things that drag me down, that I might be fully alive in You. Set me free from worrying about what others
think or how they’ll react and instead let me live only for You. Set me free from the thought that I can fix
things on my own – I can’t do anything without You and I am nothing without
You. Set me free, Lord Jesus, set me
free. I am free in You and only You,
Lord Jesus. I love You, I love your
freedom.
And God says to me: I
have the victory. It is already
finished. You are free.
