“Take it up” is one of those phrases we Christians (especially Racers) like to throw around. It means take your concerns to God and ask Him what He has to say about it. Clearly, this should be our first response to any situation, yet I struggle with it. Going to God and seeking His advice before going to our friends, families, or pastors. “Take it up” is a quick way to remind a brother or sister that we are not the ones they should be talking to first. This month God orchestrated two situations that allowed me to practice and discover the value in taking things up before reaching out for a sounding board.
On June 15, I received an unexpected email. It was not only surprising, but also revealed some places in my heart that had not fully healed. As I sat in the dining room tears ran down my cheeks and my teammate was at a loss to comfort me. The email came with so much history I could not begin to explain why I was crying. All she could do was to hug me and pray over me. Who I needed was my best friend, Claire, the one who had walked with me through that chapter of my life. But Claire is in Colorado and I did not have internet, let alone a phone. The one person I wanted to hear from, the one person who could show me the truth and help me understand my tears was out of reach.
The one person may have been out of reach, but she is not the One.
I spent that afternoon at construction alone and in prayer. Many times tears ran down my face. Two teammates saw but they stayed back, and their expressions told me they were praying. That was the best thing they could do. God showed me two things that afternoon. First, I was withholding forgiveness from the email writer and from myself. In the trenches, literally, I finally forgave both. Second, by not taking quiet time that morning I had allowed situations to affect my emotions, my emotions had built and by the time I read the email my emotions were ruling over my spirit. My heels had come up, I had gotten off balance. Regrounding was as simple as repenting and turning back to Him.
The next day I wrote in my journal these words from God.
“[Remember] God Calling (my devotional) ‘Seek Me early. That is the way to find Me. Early before I get crowded out by life’s troubles, and difficulties and pleasures.’ Come to me. Seek my thoughts, schedule, and desires for the day. Sit with me before asking others. This is how you are grounded. This is how you stay stable because you will know my desires for you. Others opinions of thoughts or your perceptions or what you think others think will not matter. You will know My words to stand on. You won’t be trying to sort things out in your own strength.”
This was needed advice when a few days later I had a conversation with our squad mentor that left me confused. It was a good conversation, with Scott giving me lots of encouragement and advice; however, it was not at all the conversation I was expecting. I expected Scott to give me a job description for the changes he was making to my role as Head Finance for the squad. Instead we talked about how I was doing, he encouraged me ask God for more of His plans, and then gave me encouragement on leadership. It was a really good conversation, but I walked home with my head spinning trying to sort out all that I had just heard. I wanted to talk to one of our squad leaders. I wanted her to sort it all out. But I knew I needed to go to God first; besides, she was conveniently too busy.
When I “took it up” He showed me the opportunities He is providing. He told me how He wants to stretch and grow me through this new role. He comforted me and showed me how my logical, processes loving self can work and grow in this abstract concept of interpersonal relationships and communication. I want to live open handed and that means accepting the things He hands me, even the hard things.
By the time I was able to talk to Steph I was calm and getting okay with the idea of this new role. So when she gleefully hugged me and said she is excited for me I could join in with some of her enthusiasm. (Trust me, it is terrifying when Steph gets like that because you know God is going to stretch you. It will be uncomfortable, but it will be good.)
Take it up. Not my natural first reaction prior to this month. However, God is a patient teacher. I will have more opportunities to practice. I will get better at this. It is much better for our relationship and for my spirit, and I deeply desire to grow both.
Lesotho Sunrise
