My family sets goals. We pick a career path, get the education necessary, work hard to be successful, and build up a life. The questions “What do you want to be when you grow up?” or “Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten?” don’t bother most in our family because they have planned it out.
These are not bad things, but they are not me. I have always hated those questions. I didn’t want to commit to plans in six months let alone five years! Some would probably call it free spirited, but I always said I was ADD when it came to my “career.” I have never wanted to be tied down or stuck. Never wanted to be rooted or committed. Always wanted the option to change my mind and try new things.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m passionate about what I do and hope to use my training and experience as an archivist and librarian to build libraries in developing countries. It’s just that I want to be free to go if God says go and not have a job hold me back.
One Shabbat early this summer, before service, Pastor invited up for prayer any women in the room who felt they had been carrying a burden so long they were just resigned to it. I didn’t think that was me, but I heard Holy Spirit say “Go.” This was about a month after I walked away from a full-time position, in my field and my home and life in Denver, and about two weeks after I started a temporary summer position without plans for after the job ended in August. Pastor and his wife prayed that I would have freedom and moved onto the next woman, and I returned to my seat. I was desperately seeking direction at the time and all God was saying was “Rest. Patience. Be Still.” Now freedom.
Freedom had come up last fall when I returned from a volunteer month in Tonga. God told me that that would not be my last mission trip, but we had work to do. Then I saw Braveheart for the first time and at the end when William Wallace screams “Freedom!” that word reverberated in my soul. That was my soul’s cry. I sobbed, not just because the movie is sad, but because our God is so good and so personal He wanted to come work in my heart and set me free. How cool is that? He had already freed me from some things, but I had no idea what He had in mind now.
The week after Pastor’s invitation was July 4th weekend. (Don’t you just love our Father’s timing and sense of humor!) During the offering message the teacher spoke on Micah 6:8, “Do justice; love mercy, walk humbly with your God.” Focusing on that last line she said, “The God of the universe wants to walk with us!” Yeshua whispered, “Yep you. I want to run with you.” Then Pastor asked for testimonies from the previous week and repeated that it was things we had accepted as our lot in life. Immediately I heard God say, “The American Dream” and then, “I want more for you.” Later in the service Pastor called the church a hospital and said it was time to get out of the hospital and bring healing to the world. The next day I went to church with friends and a guest missionary shared his testimony and urged the congregation to go out. At the end of July 4 weekend I told God, “I’m hearing ‘Just go!’ but go where? The world is huge.” He replied, “Trust in Me. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge me and I will direct your paths. I want you unburdened by the things of this world. I want you free physically and emotionally to run with me. I will open doors.”
Ten days later God released me to begin applying for jobs. Immediately I submitted two applications: one for the World Race and one for my dream position in an archive. Three weeks after that “Just go!” weekend, I was offered and accepted a position with World Race Fusion. God was so incredibly clear that this is His will. I immediately told my parents, my mentor, and some godly women I trust and they all encouraged me in pursuing the Race. Then two weeks to the day after being accepted to join the World Race I received a call from the search committee for that dream job to schedule a phone interview. As soon as I heard the message all of the doubts, fears, insecurities, and lies the enemy has used to keep me from travel and mission flooded me. This time though I recognized that they are not mine, turned instead to the throne, and cried out in my spirit, “God help me! I need assurance that this trip is your will!” He gave me the line, “It’s foolishness I know, but when the world has seen the light they will dance with joy like we’re dancing now.” (I Will Sing of Your Love Forever)
I went outside and returned the call turning down the interview. Then again was torn up in my spirit knowing I had done the right thing but fighting the doubts. I had just turned down the possibility of a salaried job with a three year contract that would advance my budding career. Instead I was going to spend the next year asking others to support me. Again I knew I was following God’s Will for my life but the Enemy was calling me irresponsible. Again I ignored him and cried out. This time God said, “The American Dream. I want more for you.”
That was when I accepted that my path is different. I’m 31 and am finally, after a decade of struggle, turning my back on the American Dream. The American Dream is not a bad thing. It is not wrong to desire a career. It is just not my path, and as long as I am pursuing that path I am settling.
God has a path and a Promised Land for each of us. He gives us passions, interests, gifts, and talents that help us find our way. Ultimately though we have to let go of our own plans and be open to what He has for us. His ways are always better if we can just take that step of faith. Simple, not easy.
