I’m in over my head…
How do I send every moment with the children here….
How do I finish the two murals I have started….
How do I spend hours on end having my head picked for lice….
Plus packing up and cleaning the apartment…
I feel overwhelmed and in over my head. How can I accomplish it all in just two days… it is not possible. Can time simply slow down… can we have a few more days here…. Please. I don’t need debrief time in Beijing. I just want to stay.
Our month is coming to end and words cant describe what I am feeling…
Thankful… for this organization and this experience
Amazed… by the children
Overwhelmed… with the lack of time we have left
Sad… yet so happy
Open…. to the possibly of adoption in the future
(Adoption was never in the picture before… to expensive and risky… plus can you really love that child the same as our own…. yes you can.)
Thank you, God, for this month.
The experiences I had this month are too crazy to put in words, plus you have to know the children to understand. But I am going to try my best… because I want you to know these children who are so special and dear to me. Now working with special needs children can overwhelming and sometimes I feel in over my head, but here are some of the experiences:
I am in over my head when the children press every button in the elevator (and we live on the tenth floor). They scream every time the door opens and the screams get more excited and louder as we get closer and closer to the tenth floor. I in over my head when I learn that they don’t actual want to get off. Instead they press all the buttons and scream all the way back to first floor.
I am in over my head when our boy who has Down syndrome decides he is tried of walking. Every day we go for a walk and everyday I am in over my head. He simply sits down in the middle of the road. You know the road that has bikes and cars and people. We get lots of stares. But I have learned that if you walk away, eventually, he will come running to you. Now that may take one minute or five minutes. And there are always tears involved. But he always comes.
I am in over my head when I am trying to paint a mural with children surrounding me. Paint gets everywhere and on everyone…. Plus the tree that I was trying to paint no longer looks like a tree. Thankfully, I love the kids.
I am in over my head when we take the children for an outing to McDonalds. Now this experience really is indescribable but I will tell you about it when I get home in person….
I am in over my head when I discovered lice. Most of the children have it and now four of the racers have it, including me. I am in over my head trying to get the children to sit longer than three minutes to pick their head. I am in over my head trying to stay still for 4 hours while my teammates are picking my hair.
I am in over my head when I took my girl with Apert Snydrome to store for an outing. She wanted to touch literally every single thing and then she didn’t want to leave the store. So she sat down in the middle of the store and cried. Bad idea and all I wanted to do was treat her with a trip to the store.
I am in over my head when the power goes off for three days and we live on the tenth floor. Oh beautiful stairs. I am in over my head when we don’t have water for three doors – which means no flushing toilets, no showers, no coffee.
I am in over my head trying to stay strong these last two days. My heart is breaking for these children. I am in love. I am in tears. And they are soon to be half way across the world from me. Dear God. Give me strength…. Give me peace… Give me hope. Thank you for this experience that I can now share with my friends and family. Thank you for these beautiful children that you have created. Thank you for organization. Please bless it this place and these people.
