How do you feel such deep pain and hurt yet peace at the same time?
How do you want something so selfishly for yourself but so deeply for someone else?
How do you stop the fight to get to see the reason your heart beats and look at someone else and say ‘you go’?
The answer is God. I cannot explain the profound sense of peace that came over me when I looked at the screen of my phone and saw the name of one of my best friends.
Emily Arzani.
But, you see this story has a familiar tone. It is about my little girl. My little girl at Sarah’s Covenant Homes. A little girl that I fell in love with the second I saw her picture and spent the next 3 years searching for her. (http://rebeccaneff.theworldrace.org/?filename=the-story-of-me-and-my-little-girl)
I knew that India was one of the countries I would serve in while on The World Race. As a matter of fact, I chose this route specifically for that country because I had such a deep longing to work with that ministry again and to be reunited with the most perfect little girl I have ever seen in my life.
So there I sat in the airport in Qatar two hours before our flight to India would take off, frantically emailing everyone I knew who had connections with AIM, ICM (India Christian Ministries) and Sarah’s Covenant Homes, including Sarah herself.
I had just found out that my team was not going to be the one going there.
I was desperate, I would do anything to be there. I didn’t care what it was, that was where I belonged. I knew I had people fighting for me between my squad leaders, teammates, AIM staff and SCH staff. This was a battle I would surely win.
I was messaging back and forth with Sarah trying to come up with a way to get my team to SCH. We were talking about every possibility to somehow get me there. Then she asked about if she thought I could talk the other team into switching with my team. The first thought in my head was, ‘no way, our whole squad wants to work at SCH, no one is going to want to give that up.’ Plus, I didn’t even know who the other team was. Then she told me the leader of the team who was scheduled to work there.
Emily Arzani. My Pumba, one of my very best friends.
Within seconds I had tears for a totally different reason. Out of nowhere I had a peace come over me.
Emily
That was all I could think. I knew right then that it was Emily who was called to SCH this month, not me. I threw my phone in my pocket and went out to find her.
I wasn’t sure if she even knew she was going there yet, but all I wanted to do was give her a hug and tell her that I loved her and to watch over my baby girl for me.
Moments after I told her it wasn’t me that was going but her, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘no Neff, I want you to go, I will switch with you.’ I know she would have done anything for me. From the first time she heard about my story with Rebekah I could see how much she loved her. She even came running in my room a few months ago just to show me a picture of Rebekah that another squad had posted. I know I would give anything to go, but I knew it was her time. I smiled as the tears continued to fall and told her, ‘no, I want you to go.’
As we were walking back to the rest of the squad I looked down at my phone. I had a new message from Sarah. It was a prayer request to God that somehow He would make a way for me to come. She ended with ‘if for some reason it isn’t your will, please hold her heart.’
That is exactly what He did. God brought me an incomprehensible peace about the situation. And tonight I had the opportunity to introduce Emily to my little Rebekah. It was an honor to be able to share a part of my heart with her and I know that God will only make our friendship stronger through this.
It will be hard not being with her the whole month, I’m sure I could have fought and gotten myself and my team there. I’m certain of that. But God has other plans for me this month. And the truth is, if I can’t be the one to be with my little girl, I couldn’t pick a better person to take my place.
