The past year and a half have been some of the hardest times of my life. Also some of the greatest. I originally planned on leaving in September of 2011 but realized shortly after that God was not ready for me yet. Although the thought of pushing my race back almost two years was almost unbearable I realize now that I must trust God's timing. To learn and listen to Him even when I think I know what is best. God has used the past few years as preparation for the future. He knew I needed more time to be ready to serve. I hated thinking about 'time.' How long it would be until I could go, how long I had wanted to go on a mission trip. This concept of time always tripped me up…
Time….
Time….
Time….
Aside from God, that is the only thing that is constant.
Time is always happening…
Time is always going…
Time will not wait for you…
It does not stop…
It continues even when you don’t.
I took this to heart the last few months. For so long I thought I was frozen in time but in reality I was living it. Continually moving and the seconds and minutes and hours faithfully ticking away.
The same can be said for this mission trip.
I have said over and over I wish I could leave tomorrow, I’d be on the next plane. It seems like forever away. Like my life will pass me by before launch. Yet every second is one step closer to realizing my dream and seeing it become a reality.
Even the advice I’ve given friends has dealt with time. That everything has its own seasons, time will bring change, whether it be good or bad, and when your down you think you’ll never get up. But this world does not stop for you. Time is still happening. Even when it’s as bad as it can get, your never frozen where you are. Life is still going on and it may get worse before it gets better, but just as the sun rises each morning and sets each night, time is continual. You cannot reverse or fast forward, you just have to go. Time is one speed and it never stops. Time is not a mere illusion many philosophers have used to describe abstract theories, it is real.
So with all this thought about time and what it really means I’m sure your thinking what can she possibly be getting at on this wild tangent.
I’ll tell you…
As my relationship has grown in the Lord I have started to realize that the less things seem to be a mere coincidence. That things don’t just happen by chance or a twist of fate. I used to always think of my life as a strange coincidence. Now I’m starting to realize that everything happens for a reason, everything in its own time. And as much as I want to leave tomorrow for the race, I know that I need these next few months to prepare me. That in order for me to be ready to serve Him I must make sure I am in a position where I can be useful and not just another body on earth. It is through time that I can become a better ‘me.’ To heal from old wounds, get closure from my past, and move forward in life.
I know this does not happen overnight… I know the only thing that can give me what I need is time. As much as I want to leave on this trip I know that God’s timing is perfect. (And if you’ve read my previous blog you will agree with me that my idea of good timing is about as close to a train wreck you can get!) He is unfailing in our reality that we are never ‘stuck.’ God knows everything. He knows when things need to happen and I am trusting that the time I’m given each day is a chance to get close to Him, to see His will, and allow Him to use me to let His glory shine. So for the next months leading up to launch I will use this time to grow. Both in Him and in myself, knowing that when I am ready He will call, because His timing really is perfect…
