This is my attempt and writing a blog describing my experience at Training Camp.
I don't know how one is supposed to go about doing this so that others can understand, because I know that no matter how much or how little I write there's no way to fully comprehend this week without experiencing it yourself.
I'm going to break it up into parts to hopefully make it easier to follow!!
Part 1: Getting There
Getting to training camp was an adventure itself. My mom drove me to Shelby, NC and I stayed with my grandparents for a night to spend time with them before I left. It was great being with them! Even though my family was all there and we were all having a great time, I was feeling really overwhelmed and almost numb.
There was just too much time for me to sit and think about all the endings I was going through, big ones and small ones. My life had been passing by me in a complete and total WHIRLWIND lately and I wasn't sure how to handle it all.
I just graduated college, which STILL does not feel real at all, the whole day is a total blur. I left my friends who I love so much which was my least favorite of everything. I packed up and moved out of my apartment and my roommates of 4 years and can't believe we'll never live together again or have that home to go back to! Then to spend 2 days at home unpacking and packing again for training camp which was a challenge in an of itself. AND as stupid as this may sound, as I'm trying to process all of these things and come to terms with moving on I'm watching the VERY LAST episode of the Office EVER and I cried!!! Yes I know, so dumb, but if you know me then you know my connection with that show! Haha I may have been a little dramatic when I looked at my mom as the credits rolled and said "I just felt a piece of my soul die" But I just thought to myself "There are too many endings happening right now!!!" I was overwhelmed.
I was so nervous. I knew what to expect for Training Camp, but then again I didn't. I was getting up the next day to meet Ben and Libby, a couple that switched over to T Squad from S Squad like I did, and they were going to drive me down to training camp. I was nervous to meet them. I was in bed, crying thinking "I'm not ready. I can't do this yet. I need another week to process what's going on. I don't know if I'm strong enough for all of it. Am I good enough for this? What if they see that? What if they ask me to go home? It's not that I don't want to go!! I just want to pause for a second! Then I have to go straight to New Orleans and work Camp for a week after this. I'm going to be so tired. What if I can't love on the kids like I want to because I'm so exhausted?"
I was upset talking to a friend and venting out my anxieties about being able to stay open and take in the experience and learning everything God has for me and also being able to have energy for New Orleans. He reminded me "Don't worry. God already said Yes to those desires before you even asked." I knew he was right. I had to keep my faith in HIM. He is my strength. Not myself. I AM going to training camp. THIS IS happening. I AM going to New Orleans. It's going to happen. He is getting me THERE so He is going to get me THROUGH.
None of this is about what I can or cannot do. This is all about me being a vessel for God's power and strength. I can do all things THROUGH Christ who gives me strength because it's not my own. Once I thought about that I had peace. I knew everything was exactly how it was supposed to be. I suddenly felt ready to take on whatever came next.
The next day I was eating with my grandparents and my grandpa said something that clikced with me and I know he doesn't even know it meant anything to me. We were at a restaurant and I think my grandma said something about want light sauce on her pizza. And he said well "It depends on what they know what 'heavy' is. If they don't know what heavy is then they won't know what light is."
And then I thought. .that makes sense to me right now. If I can't experience and know what being heavy and weighed down feels like then how would I know what it feels like to have God lift that weight off and feel light again. I can't have it easy all the time. I have to know that His strength is shown greatest through my weakness. This is the peace He gave me as I began to prepare my heart for what I knew would be a heavy week and also to prepare me to let it ALL go.
And So It Begins. . . . . . .
Meeting Ben and Libby was my saving grace for this trip to Training Camp. I have been praying so hard for weeks and weeks for the people I will be travelling with this next year. I was concerned that I may not have people from a similar background as me or have a likemindedness with me, not that it's a huge deal, but I was really praying for at least a couple people to have that in common with so that when needed I would have someone to talk with.
As soon as I met this wonderful couple we clicked. Right from the start. Immediately I felt God answer every prayer. They are, personality wise, a spitting image of my older brother and his wife. That's exactly how they made me feel. They took me in and I felt like I was their little sister and it was wonderful 🙂 Both of us had switched from the S SQUAD and honestly we were all really stuggling with it. We were excited and knew it was right we just didn't know why yet. We had doubts and fears and they were all the same. It was so nice to be able to talk to them and immediately be honest and vulnerable. I knew that God was giving me the people I needed to start my week off strong. I knew I was going to be able to count on these two. I got to eat dinner with them and spend the night with them and it was like I had known them my whole life. I love them! They're great!
One thing we talked alot about was how we felt sad about switching Squads, we knew that God had a plan and we trusted that, but we were sad because we had gotten to know people on the S Squad and built this relationship with them that was then taken away! We were SURE it was the right decision.
And that proved to be even harder once we got there.
As soon as we pulled up everyone was setting up from all Squads and it was awesome to see everyone finally all together in one area getting ready to do what we've been preparing for for months!!! But for me as I got settled among the T Squad I could see the S Squad across the way and I felt overwhelmed….again. I just realized, I know every one of them. I don't even have to go over there to learn their names, I already know them all. Then I look around me at my T Squad and I didn't know any of them. At all. I had just switched I didn't have time to go through and learn everyone. I realized, not only am I going to take in this week, but while doing it I am going to have to try to get to know 55 names and people! My brain hurt!!! I struggled with this for about 2 days. I was praying so hard God would show me what he had in all of this
But boy . . .Did I not know that God had planned for me. . . . I didn't have a clue!!
Keep a close eye out for Part 2 🙂
*****They'll be more pictures!!!!!!!!*****
