Every year on New Year’s Day, I try to take some time to reflect – read some old journals, think about the past year, etc. It’s not something I do too often, since I tend to be an “in-the-moment” kind of gal and I’m not really much of a “processor.”
But every year after looking back, I always end up thinking something like “Wow, God. You already did some amazing things this year. How can you do more than this?! How is it that You still have more ahead for me!?”
If you’ve followed my past year at all, it’s no secret that this has been a year to top all years of my life so far. In short, I traveled the world, returned to South Florida, and began working at one of my favorite places in the world, the church I grew up in.
A little more specifically, this year I became a “tita,” or big sister, to 35 orphaned children in the Philippines. I saw miracles and shared hope with people completely ostracized by society in India – “untouchables,” orphans, widows, special needs children and widows. I deep cleaned kitchens, scrubbed showers and planted trees in Romania. In Ukraine, I befriended and taught English to children who are despised by their village simply because their parents had them outside of marriage. I built relationships with former street kids, taught pre-school, and helped build the foundation for a community park in Honduras. I built a school in Nicaragua. And in Costa Rica, I helped mobilize the local church to go into the world and share God’s love as missionaries. I shared ideas with my church in South Florida on how we can better impact our community and our world. And I got to help launch a ministry for young adults in South Florida. Just to scratch the surface.
But, after reading my old journals, I realize what has made this year so successful was not the things I did. (Although, I do praise God for the many, many ways He worked through me!) Really what made this year such a big deal is how God used those experiences to shape me as a person.
This year, I battled and gained victory over insecurities, ones I didn’t even realize I had, like I never have before. I overcame a huge lie that my story is unrelatable because I haven’t faced a lot of the same struggles other people have, uncovering the truth that my story is evidence of God’s faithfulness! I discovered an identity that I have in Christ that is not based on my leadership, giftings or approval from people but simply on the fact that I am His daughter.
But, to me, the biggest thing is that I learned so much about love and how to love in 2013.
God’s greatest command is to love Him and to love people. According to Jesus, everything else hangs on these two things. So I’ve resolved for the rest of my life that if I’m good at anything, I want it to be love. Not cheesy, emotional, based-on-how-I-feel romantic comedy love. But real, raw, authentic, Christ-centered love the way God created it to be.
Last January, in the Philippines, was probably one of the most difficult months of my life to date. As beautiful as the relationships I built with those orphans were, it was not glamorous. I felt completely drained in every sense of the word – emotionally from pouring out to the children, physically from lack of sleep and unbalanced meals of rice and more rice, spiritually from my team mates’ spiritual needs and spiritual warfare, and mentally from communication conflicts with the orphanage staff.
And it’s in the midst of that time that God spoke to me about love. He said to me – “Seek first. Be last.”
These four words have become my life’s mantra. My continual daily resolution for love.
Because God is love. So in order to love well and to experience God’s love fully, I must seek Him first. I must read His Word, worship in song, spend time in prayer, and sit in stillness so that I can know His character, understand His heart and hear His voice.
Because love is a fruit, a product, of the Holy Spirit at work in me. I can not love in my own strength. That’s something I really grasped in the Philippines, when it felt like I had nothing left to give. But somehow God always enabled me to have the strength to love those orphans. Because love comes from the Holy Spirit, and when I seek God first I give His Spirit the opportunity to pour out of me.
Because the act of loving others is a choice I make over and over each day. And it means putting myself last. And it’s not based on my feelings and emotions. It means choosing others over myself – over and over again. It means sacrifice because there is no greater love than laying your life down for a friend. So often we think love is supposed to make us feel fulfilled. But really, the act of loving others often means giving up our comforts and preferences to see the needs and desires of others fulfilled. Jesus said that the greatest of His followers is the one who serves and puts himself last. That’s so upside-down. But at the same time, from my experience, it makes so much sense because serving others is how love flows out of us – how we fulfill the greatest command.
So as much as loving others is a command and a choice, my number one job is to seek Jesus, allowing the Holy Spirit to do what He does – produce the love of the Father in me. Then I can, in turn, surrender my rights and be last so that others can experience that love. And I can do that confidently because I know that I have a loving God, who meets my needs as I look to meet the needs of others.
I am resolved in 2014, to do my best to continue to seek first and be last, so that I can love God and love people with all that I am. I know I’ll mess up sometimes. Thank goodness His grace is sufficient for me. But I know that seeking first and being last is how I will continue to become the person God desires for me to be, as His love works through me and pours out of me.
He has already done so much. I’m all kinds of nervous-excited to see what He’s going to do next.
All For His Glory,
Raychel
P.S. Thanks for reading my ramblings. Be blessed. And love well this year. Seek first. Be last. It’s not just for me..it’s for you too.
