This is my journal entry about an interaction that I had with one of the teenage girls here at El Shaddai. I have built a trusting relationship with her this month and we have a beautiful friendship (Her name is changed in my blog for her privacy):
　
November 26, 2012
You did it again God. You broke my heart. I love it but I hate it. I love that I have compassion and understanding of how you feel, but I hate the pain that others have; and it hurts. Today , Mary began slowly talking to me about her life. She shared a little but then we got interrupted and continued alone in the chapel.
Here is her story: Her mother died when she was 5 years old. She does not feel that she was a good mother and thinks that her mother did not love her. She sad she loved her mother. Her father married another women. Her step mother beat her all the time. She says that she has scars all over her body. She told me of a time when she ran away and stayed in the bush for a day. She slept there and had no breakfast, lunch or dinner. She returned to the house and got beat by her stepmother. She said the step mother had six other children. Mary has a younger brother. She is now 14 and her brother is 12 years old. She said that the step mother’s oldest son came to the house. Her father was working and no one was home. She said “He came in the house…”. I asked if he did “bad things” to her. She said “yes” I’m assuming “bad things” means rape. She said that he told her “If you tell anyone, I will kill you”. She was scared. I asked her if he did “bad things” to her more than once. She said “yes”. She tried to tell her stepmother but she wouldn’t listen. She told her father and he called the police. The police took her step brother to jail but he paid the police and got out. The police took Mary and her brother and sent them to El Shaddai because they feared that her stepbrother would try to kill her. She said that her father does not know where they are and that she misses him. She also told me that she had wanted to kill herself.
This is everything she shared with me and the whole time she spoke (and even before we started speaking) I was just asking the Holy Spirit to speak through me. I spoke over her. I spoke life over her. I prayed for her. I definitely believe that the Holy Spirit spoke through me because the words I spoke were without a doubt not something I could come up with on my own. I prayed healing over her heart. I told her that she had to forgive and give everything to God. I told her that God brings justice and that healing comes from forgiveness. I don’t really remember everything I said because it wasn’t my words. I asked her if she had told anyone this before. She said “no”. I asked her if there was someone, an adult, at El Shaddai that she trusted and felt safe to talk to and share her feelings with. Someone who could pray with her and encourage her. She said “no” So I prayed for God to put someone in her life that she could have a trusting relationship with. During all this, I had her wrapped in my arms with her crying. I prayed again and we got ready for chapel.
After chapel, I came down to the huts and sat outside on the rocks down below and began to cry out to God again. My heart was broken again. I felt her pain. I can’t understand why she had to go through that. I felt pain at the thought of her wanting to kill herself. I then began to thank God for her and prayed for her. Imelda came down to me and asked if I was ok. I broke down a little again and shared what happened. I told her that I was happy that I was able to be someone she trusted and that I could speak life over her and love her. Imelda prayed for her and for me.
God is good. He is so faithful. It is so hard feeling this pain for people and seeing and feeling what God sees and feels, but He is right. This is what I asked for and I know that God will be with me through it all and help me to love like he loves. I cannot go home the same person. I pray that God uses this compassion inside of me to touch even more lives. “I was sent here for such a time as this”…this is what has been repeating in my head. And I believe it. I was sent here to Swaziland, to El Shaddai, at this exact time, by God, to be a trusting and loving ear and a mouthpiece for the Holy Spirit to help Mary and to allow her to share her story and be healed.
There are so many other people around the world like Mary who have stories to share and who are waiting for someone to show them the love of Jesus. I want to walk being led by the Holy Spirit and be in the right place at the right time to do so.
