I still need anther $74 in my support account by may 7th to get me to $0 owed, anything after that (up to $1,500) would go to reimbursments for my shots, and insurance and airfare. Please consider donating to my account should you feel led. Thank you and may God bless you.
Its impossible to know for sure what you would have had or if it would have been better than what you do have. When I found out in Africa that team Redemption would be changing I was angry, I felt robbed. Adventures in Missions tells us not to have expectations but I did, I expected to go through Asia with the beautiful people I had so fallen in love with and was learning so much from. I expected to continue to be seen and encouraged and learn from example put into practice.
When I got my new team I expected it to be hard and I expected to overcome that by sheer force of will. I didn’t expect it to be as hard as its been, I didn’t expect to loose and gain members, I didn’t expect to be forced to give up on what I thought I was suppose to fight for. Having been on two teams that ultimately became very very close I see a sharp contrast with my current team. We laugh together and we have fun but I know (only because of where I was blessed enough to be before) that as close as it may seem there is so much more available. It hurts me some, I think part of me feels as though I failed, and part of it is just selfish longing to be understood. I think most of us know that we aren’t as close as we could be but it’s a sacrifice that had to be made for what we have learned.
It took me two months of frustration and anger to realize the massive communication gap I had with my teammates, a gap that has probably been responsible for a lot of strained or lost relationships in my life but that I couldn’t see because I had always just been able to walk away from situations like the ones that made it so glaringly apparent. It took 5 months, a lost teammate, a gained teammate, a squad leader meeting, and emotional exhaustion to get me to the point where I could drop my ego, give up my investment and realize that I don’t have to be angry for God. It took me 3 months, constant irritation and frustration, and a few storms to understand why I am meanest to my dearest friends. It took me 4 months, cultural embarrassment, a blow up and two days of silence to realize how I hold loyalty more important than justice and that there are others who feel differently and that God is completely and perfectly both. It took just as long to realize that shielding someone from the truth isn’t love or loyalty it is cowardice.
I’m not sure and will never be what the true cost of these lessons were, closer friendships, laughter, and tears come to mind but I can’t begin to count the reward either. Oh well, that’s the race.
