The fear in me wants me to stop writing this very second but the life in me wants the whole world to know that there is so much more than the ordinary. I would at this point consider myself wrecked for the ordinary. There are things happening in and around me that I cannot explain or even fully define other then, the Holy Spirit is moving in my life.
At the awakening we had awesome worship music and when a good drum beat gets going I dance, not the nice swaying people call dancing now a days or even the jumping up and down and flailing your arms (though I do do that sometimes). The dance in me looks like something the Indians in a 1950’s western would do. The dance in me is low to the ground and reverent, like I am calling rain from the sky or corn from the earth, its is heart felt and volatile and something I do with my eyes tightly shut so that I might forget that anyone else in the world could possibly see what I am doing so that my fearful little heart is free to do it. One night the MC asked us to worship in a way we never have before, for some that would mean singing for others it would mean dancing or maybe getting on their face. Being the smug snotty monster I can be in my head I thought “well there is nothing for me to do because I already do all those things, snotty snot, blarf di blare I’m a monster” and then it hit me like a thunder bolt from heaven, “then do it with your eyes open” . WHAT!?! With my eyes open was something I had never considered, with my eyes open meant I could see people possibly seeing me and that was terrifying and so my smugness was squashed like a slug and I knew I had to do it. Just then the song I always HAVE to dance to started and so I started to dance. It was hard at first and even dizzying, but I screamed in my heart to God, “this is for You and I will be a fool for You”. Then it got really invigorating, then intoxicating and I stopped and looked and my squad was a sea of worshippers, writhing and jumping and sweating and singing and screaming and we were beautiful, not like oh that’s a nice picture of your dog beautiful, but grand canyon, Transylvanian Sunrise, Puligniano sea side beautiful, and tears ran from my eyes.
