There are so many things in life I knew I didn’t want to know about, that I was sure I would find on the world race. Today was my first experience with facing that reality. Yesterday three of the girls went down to the local orphanage, I stayed home to help cook and ultimately ended up taking a nap with significantly improved my attitude (yes mom, you told me so). So today the 4 who didn’t go yesterday, myself included, got to/ had to go. I didn’t want to go, it was for completely selfish reasons, I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to know. I knew the moment I knew and really saw I could unknow or unsee. We took our regular bus to town center and then walked the rest of the way down twist and turns I was unfamiliar with.
We came to a grey, heavy looking, hewn stone building, with bars on its windows, that looked uninviting to say the least. We walked around the side of the building and saw a play ground with about 5 kids and one young woman watching them. The building was white washed on this side and looked considerably more like a school, we walked into an abandoned corridor and found the light switch, then walked into the washroom and washed all our hands. Mikeh had a brief conversation with one of the staff and we were told it would be ok to play with the children who where already outside.
The children played in the sand box, which was packed pretty hard from the recent rain. They looked to be about 2 years old and were considered the “big kids” , this particular orphanage only keeps them until 3 years old and then they are sent to different orphanages. It was explained to us that most of the kids at the facility had parents who were alcoholics or in jail and had been removed from those situations but so long as they were visited just once per year by their parents, they are not available to be adopted. The facility has about 10 underpaid and overworked staff and 50 children all under 3 years old so the children can’t even care for each other.
We played with the children in the sandbox, one small girl named Angela had an obvious developmental handicap, she was very sweet and particularly liked to burry the plastic turtle in the sand pail and excavate him from it when I dumped it out for her, when she felt the game got too crowded she began to cry and Mikeh picked her up and held her, after that she burst into tears and the slightest hint Mikeh might be letting go. We were told that the children we were playing with are social orphans, their parents either couldn’t afford or did not want them. A story was told of one woman who would show up at the Ukranian hospital every so often and deliver a baby and then walk out and simply say she didn’t want them.
The staff brought out a few more children to us and immediately one of the little girls ran for the sand and shoved a bunch in her mouth, the staff told us that she was mentally disabled. Sydney cleaned the girls mouth and then I took her. She was very thin and tall with bright brilliant blue eyes and blond hair, from the moment I grabbed her little hands she climbed me like a tree. I had to hide my glasses, my braids got tugged and my hat was under constant attack. I couldn’t take her to the sand or even let her loose because the moment I did she’s put a hand full of sand in her mouth. After the 3rd attempt to eat sand I snatched her up and asked Jake to bring me a cookie, which I was told to feed to her in small pieces. As I gave her the pieces she chewed them hurridly while searching for another piece, to shove in her already full mouth. I gave her 2 whole cookies, she climbed all over and when she was upset she would slam her bottom to the ground, eventually she would see she wasn’t going to win with me and climb into my lap and look me in the eyes.
She wanted to be held but she didn’t know how to be held, she didn’t know how to cuddle or how to relax. She didn’t know how to ask for what she wanted or needed, she tried to fulfill her need to be held by climbing people and clinging, she tried to satisfy her hunger with sand, this girl is the kind of child people are scared to adopt, special needs, aggressive, and full of “bad” habits and the part that makes me angry is that none of that is her fault. I suspect her delays are due to fetal alcohol syndrome, she doesn’t know how to be held because she isn’t held, she pulls hair and smacks glasses because she wants you to look at her, she eats sand because she is hungry. She was thrown away into a system that doesn’t love her, she was thrown away before she was even born. I know it is in God’s hands, I know He is the great healer, and provider and father, but selfishly I wish there are things I didn’t know, and that is one of them.
