I let my shoulders and legs sag over the arms of the sofa chair. Sitting upright was too much at the moment. My sprawled nature was a reflection of how I felt on the inside.
Worn.
Cape Town, South Africa is amazingly beautiful, Kingdom Sports and our contacts are amazingly wonderful people of God and our team was overwhelmingly blessed to have received such good gifts.
However, February was a beautiful disaster.
***
From observation, training and experience, I know that as a leader…
- · I am not supposed to build my identity in leading
- · I am not supposed to take on other people’s burdens
- · I am not supposed to strive to make everyone happy among other areas to be avoided
But on my last day of ministry I found myself sprawled on a couch, tired, because I had done a little bit of all those things and now I was a beautiful disaster.
***
Christ was no longer my divine obsession. Team leading was now my obsession.
My works-based mentality had convinced me that once again, I needed to earn the Father’s love. I needed to show him how good of a team leader I could be, so that He would be pleased.
Somehow I began to live in the lie that God was disinterested and displeased with me and if I could pull off this number–successfully balance the responsibilities of team leading, step out in faith during ministry, and love my team well–He would pay attention and He would love me more.
BOLD FACE LIE, SATAN.
My God loves me because He loves me because He loves me because He loves me because it is in His nature to love and it is my responsibility to be overcome with His love (Thank you, Graham Cooke).
So after conversations with teammates, my contact, and my squad mentor, I decided to quit team leading.
STOP. (Collaborate and Listen!)
I did not quit in the literal sense, but in the figurative sense.
I am no longer allowing the title of team leader to define me.
I am no longer allowing team issues and situations to consume my thinking and quiet times.
And instead of trying to be a great team leader, I am going to strive to become a great daughter of the King of kings and live by His Holy Spirit and trust that He will guide me in all love and truth.
After all, leadership is fleeting (Thank You, Carly Brown).
YOUR TURN.
I know you may think of yourself as a beautiful disaster like I did, but believe me, God just sees you as beautiful.
So I challenge you to let go of your labels, your titles.
Stop holding on so tightly.
Release them.
Quit striving.
He loves you because He loves you because He loves you because He loves you because that’s His nature and your job is to be overwhelmed by that love.
