As I said in my last post, I have been struggling with feeling connected to Nepal this month. I have been seeking diligently for a treasure here in Nepal and today, the Lord granted me an entire treasure chest.
The orphan spirit is a powerful thing. It’s the spirit that says “You will never have enough. You need to fight for what you have. You must cling to everything you can because who knows if it will stay or be taken from you. You are orphaned and must fend for yourself.” This is the spirit that I believe most Christians live under today. Me being at the top of that list.
Today, we were told that we would be going and playing soccer with some of the kids from the slums around this area of Kathmandu and then having a time of bible study for ourselves. I was super not thrilled. Sports used to be my thing when I was younger but not so much any more. As we were walking out the door, I turned to my teammate and said, “I would really love to just sit and color with some kids or something” and half turned around to grab my crayons. I decided there wasn’t time and I was going to just be a cheerleader for today while my more athletically adept squadmates took the reigns on this one.
When we got to the field, it was already peppered with kids from the surrounding slums excited to play and curious about the large group of Americans parading onto the field.
As we dropped our stuff on the side of the field, I fully prepared myself to plop down and watch the morning drift by in the form of soccer matches and kids running around. Instead, the Lord guided my eyes over to my squadmate, Destiny. She had started a circle of kids and was playing frisbee with a small, colorful hat that could fly just as well as any plastic frisbee we brought. Instantly Holy Spirit told me to get up and join. You know the feeling? The one you can’t ignore and simply resign to groaning and getting up to do it anyways? Yeah. That one.
As I wandered over with my hands in my super comfy Nepali pants, I half heartedly began to immerse myself in their game. Almost immediately, I noticed this incredibly precious little boy running in and out of the circle. His bright eyes, energetic smile, and quick movements drew my eye. He was significantly smaller than the other boys and was one of the dirtiest in the group. The color of his clothes was almost unrecognizable due to the dirt and grime that caked him from head to foot. His legs and arms were incredibly tiny and he was clearly not used to knowing a bar of soap.
I was so captivated.
As the older kids started to form a game, we took the younger ones off to a small swampy field area behind a nearby building where we could play with them and not be in the way of the game. We continued to throw the frisbee and pick these boys up and twirl them around until we all couldn’t walk. I kept trying to beckon that little boy to play with me. I felt so drawn to him and I simply just wanted to hold him and love him.
After a while, he responded and soon he was on my back guiding me through the field while he tried to grab at his friends and I tried not to step in cow poo. After we played horses for a while and raced the boys who were riding on our back, we took them to the field to watch the match. As we walked, I went to hold his little right hand, but he immediately repositioned it so I was holding his wrist instead. I felt something rough on the bottom of his palm and gently turned his hand over. What I saw broke my heart and made me scoop him up immediately in my arms and carry him the rest of the way. His whole palm had third degree burns all over and the skin was peeling off. Black flesh bubbled around his fingers and the singe marks stretched to the back of his hand.
When I first introduced myself to him, I couldn’t figure out why he smelled like a bar-b-que. I thought it was just the filth from his clothes but now I knew. It was his hands.
As I turned his hand over in mine, he became embarrassed and hid it from me. I cradled him in my arms and we went to sit on the sidelines and watch the game. I kept looking at his hand and tried to figure out what I should do. It was already scabbing and peeling and didn’t look fresh. Should I make a big deal? He should have had care for it days ago.
For the next 2 and a half hours, I simple held him, and he simply let me. All I wanted for this little boy was to love him, and all he craved was love. His little hands stayed firmly clasped around my neck, my hands, or my waist as we sat on the dry grass. I cradled him like an infant for hours and he didn’t move an inch. When our ministry host’s wife arrived, I shared with her what I had discovered and she asked him questions. The once talkative and lively boy was very shy and quiet and instead hid behind my arms. His brother was called over to answer the questions but we soon realized that he needed to be seen medically too. He had been stabbed in the eye with a stick and couldn’t see. He was constantly holding it and it was clearly injured and had been for some time.
Reshma (our host’s beautiful Nepali wife) declared that he would be taken to the hospital for treatment and so would his brother. She told me that I could come with them but first we were going to let them finish participating in the games, the bible lesson, and lunch, then we would take them back to a house and I could bathe him. Reshma told me that the doctors wouldn’t see them if they were filthy and dressed badly.
After lunch of rice and curry that the boys ate with their hands, I carried him back to a house that some of the ministry workers live in and they prepared a bucket of warm water for me to wash him in. As I took his clothes off and gently began to bathe him, weeks of grime and scabs fell from his body. He had sores on his hands, legs and feet from living and playing on the street. His hair was like wire, it was so coarse. I washed his little body 3 times, his hair twice with bar soap and once with shampoo before he was remotely clean. Reshma gave him a new pair of clothes from her son’s wardrobe and let me dress him. She then informed me that I should not got to the hospital because if the doctors saw an American, they would charge more for their treatment.
After they left, I began reflecting a little more on what transpired. From the first moment I saw him, I wanted him in my arms. I simply wanted to shower him with love. And maybe some water. When he finally warmed to my pursuit of him, we had a grand time. But when I grew tired and set him down, he immediately ran to anyone else who would pick him up and fulfill his needs. All I wanted him to know was that I loved him and that he didn’t need to go try and find it in other team members. As I watched him bounce from person to person (at first) the Lord told me, “Look at your pursuit of other satisfiers.” I thought “Yeah! Look at his pursuit for others when I can give it to him right here!” The Lord simply responded “Rachel, look at your pursuit” and pointed a finger at him running to other people. I realized that I do the same thing. I accepted the Lord’s love but as soon as he sets me down to walk on my own, I flee to something else that I believe will satisfy my needs. I bounce from thing to thing, person to person in hopes of being loved and satisfied the way I was in His arms.
You see, I wanted to love that little boy just because of who he was. Not because he did anything to gain my affection, not because I knew him and knew what kind of kid he was, but simply because he was him. I wanted to cradle him, protect him, play with him, and love him from the very moment I saw his dirty little self running all over that field. Jesus looks at us the same way. It’s not because we did anything to gain his love and affection. It’s not because we deserve it. We are the same dirty little child with selfish tendencies and an orphan spirit bouncing from thing to thing and all he wants to do is clean us up, give us new garments, care for our wounds properly, and love us unconditionally.
Tomorrow morning, I get to go to his little hut in the slum with a couple boys from the ministry and redress his wound with the medicine from the hospital today.
I added pictures to my photo album which you can find on the left hand side of the page. Check them out.
Because of Him,
Rachel
