Month 6…halfway finished with the World Race. Whoa.
It has been (so far) the most difficult month on the Race for me personally. But not for reasons you may think.
Our ministry is excellent. Our housing is awesome. Cold showers are a normal thing now. The people here are amazing. The sun shines every day. I’m surrounded by my teammates. God is here. Everything on the outside is ideal.
So why has it been the most difficult?
I’ve been thinking and praying a lot about that question…because I honestly had no idea why it was so hard. But I knew that there was a consistent mood I was in…one that was discontent and yearning for more, worried and anxious but not having a clear reason as to why, being here physically but somewhere else mentally.
I took a lot of time to reflect on this question to get to the root of my unhappiness.
I’m almost finished with month 6 of this 11 month journey, and it has flown by…it seriously feels like I just left Atlanta yesterday.
And I’ve discovered that this is what scares me the most, and this is why I was unhappy.
The journey has flown by.
You might be thinking that would be a good thing…why would that scare me? Each passing day is one day closer to being in the states again, right?
Not exactly. I’m scared because I’m not where I thought I’d be at the halfway point. Have you ever been like that? Just feeling like you’re not where you thought you’d be at a certain time?
I need more time!!! I thought life would be easier now. I still doubt. I still have moments when I’m praying and I ask, “God, do you even hear me?”…and honestly I have more of these moments on the Race than I did when I was in the states. I thought my feelings of insecurity and fear would be gone by now, but I still struggle to have enough boldness to share my story with someone. I thought I’d have faith to move mountains, but I still have days in which I lack the faith to pray healing for someone.
Why has the halfway point discouraged me? Looking back on my view of the World Race at the beginning, I saw the halfway point as a big deal. Kind of like, if I could make it that far, I could definitely make it through anything…I’d pretty much be a rock-star.
I guess what I’m saying is this…I’m disappointed. My expectations weren’t met. I’m halfway done, and I have so much more that I want to do. Time is slipping away.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the Lord has revealed to me (today actually) is this…Our growth isn’t on a timeline. It’s a daily surrender. And everyone learns and grows at a different pace. It’s not the destination (the end or halfway point of the Race) but rather the journey (the daily surrender).
It’s not about the World Race.
It’s about running the race of life with endurance.
Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.
Jesus said “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.” It’s an everyday thing, not do ministry for 11 months and you’ll have it all figured out, or once you get to month 8 you’ll be free of fear and be full of boldness, or once you turn 30 you’ll be mature and smart and all the good things.
You have to wake up every morning and die to yourself so that you can live for Christ. It’s a marathon…not a sprint.
It’s a daily pursuit of goodness, righteous, and love.
I know what it’s like to have a classroom of 20 kids who are on completely different levels. All of them are capable of learning the content, but it takes some students longer than others. This reminds me of the Christian walk. Don’t compare your journey with someone else’s…we learn and grow at different points throughout our lives. We are the students, God is our Teacher. We can’t rush our learning. It takes time and patience to learn something difficult and worthwhile.
The halfway point didn’t meet my expectations…but God taught me so much about the picture in my head.
God sees the bigger picture. Don’t be ruled by the picture in your head of how your life is supposed to turn out. We are supposed to have dreams and goals, but you just have to remember that it’s on God’s timeline, and to surrender your goals and dreams to Him.
Take it day by day, step by step– focusing on the goal ahead of you without being rushed to get there.
Let God change you- mold you- shape you- to be like Him…and trust in His timing.
Philippians 3:12-14 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
Galatians 6:9- So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.
