World Race Training Camp. Wow.
There are truly no words for this indescribable, intense camp that I just attended.
My mom and sister drove me down to the camp in Georgia. I was super excited, yet super nervous, to get to camp. The closer we got to the camp site, the more scared and nervous I became. Tons of negative thoughts began to play over and over in my head like a record:
No one will like you
Everyone there will annoy you
You will hate it there
You have nothing to bring to this team
You have too many struggles to do something like this
You’re worthless
You’ve never even slept in a tent before
You’re wasting your time
You need to keep your real job and your real life
You’re not outgoing enough
This isn’t for you
I tried to push the thoughts away, but they kept coming in and replaying themselves like a song stuck on repeat.
I was terrified. “I’m not getting out of the van,” I thought. “I still have a chance to go back home.” The negative thoughts kept playing in my head. unworthy- untalented- unloved.
While my thoughts were battling each other inside my head, a small voice brought to my attention that all my thoughts were based on fear, doubt, and insecurity. Yes the question “What if no one likes me?” is valid and could happen in theory…but I could also turn the question around and say “What if everyone likes me?”
Instead of asking “What if this is the worst week ever?”, how about asking “What if this is the BEST week ever?”
And then the verse 2 Timothy 1:7 popped into my head: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
In that moment, I asked God for divine intervention: I needed boldness and power to get out of the van and confidently walk into a place not knowing anyone.
Because I knew God.
God was my only friend in this moment. I look back on it and smile. I can still feel the fear, shortness of breath, and stiffness I was feeling…but the moment I walked away from my mom’s van, into the unknown, I truly felt free. I truly felt the presence of God with me. I was literally walking into the great unknown, clinging to God with every fiber of my being, holding on to peace and strength that can only come from Him.
And then, once I turned the corner around some trees, still holding hands with God, I hear a group of people call my name. I look up, and there’s my teammates!!! They recognized me!! It was such a great moment…one that I will never forget. God took every single one of my negative thoughts, turned them around, and replaced each one with truth.
No one will like you….EVERYONE WILL LIKE YOU
Everyone there will annoy you…NO ONE THERE WILL ANNOY YOU- THIS IS YOUR NEW FAMILY
You will hate it there…YOU WILL LOVE IT THERE
You have nothing to bring to this team…WE ARE EACH A PART OF THE BODY OF CHRIST- YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO BRING TO THIS TEAM THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN BRING
You have too many struggles to do something like this…I HAVE GIVEN YOU FREEDOM FROM YOUR STRUGGLES- I USE BROKEN PEOPLE TO DO AMAZING THINGS FOR THE KINGDOM
You’re worthless… YOU’RE WORTHY- HONORED- BEAUTIFUL- TREASURED- MY MASTERPIECE
You’ve never even slept in a tent before…PHILIPPIANS 4:13
You’re wasting your time…INVESTING IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD IS NEVER A WASTE OF TIME, BECAUSE IT HAS ETERNAL VALUE
You need to keep your real job and your real life…YOUR JOB IS TO TAKE UP YOUR CROSS AND FOLLOW ME
You’re not outgoing enough…YOU ARE PERFECT THE WAY I DESIGNED YOU
This isn’t for you…THIS IS FOR YOU- THIS IS WHAT I HAVE CREATED YOU TO DO- YOU WERE BORN FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS
Over the course of the 10 days, tears flowed freely each day. Renewed strength and peace was found each day. Freedom was found each day. Grace was found each day. Love was found each day.
I’m so thankful God gave me the courage to get out of the van.
