As the day of travel to Africa got closer, I was experiencing a whirl wind of emotions. I was excited for a new place and a new culture. i was ready to see what God had for me in Africa. However, as my excitement settled in, so did my stress and fear for what was to come. I had known since month one that Africa was all about evangelism and preaching. I knew I was going to have to face one of my biggest fears:
Public speaking
I remember the first time I realized this fear was in 6th grade. In grade school, we did these oratorical recitals every year where we stood up in front of the school and recited a poem. Before 6th grade, I had no fear reciting, but then something changed, I became aware of other people’s expectations and judgement. All of a sudden this new fear came crashing down on me:
What if I fail?
That little question turned into a giant monster that ruled my life. I didn’t want to do anything that involved trying something new or scary, especially public speaking. I wouldn’t go near it. No way I wanted to risk failing, especially in front of a bunch of people.
This fear followed me even onto the race. Whenever a host would ask one of us to deliver a message, I would always wait for other teammate’s to volunteer so I wouldn’t have to go. But then we got to Zimbabwe…
On the first day in this new country we debriefed with our host. He laid out the schedule for the month. As I stared at the schedule my worst fears came true… We would all be preaching multiple times a week, in front of churches, schools, children… You name it. So do you want to know what happened next?
…I had a mental breakdown
Yep, in front of my whole team. I just cried and shared my fear. Thankfully they were all very supportive and they prayed for me. For whatever reason, I felt better after sharing and crying. I think we all need a good cry every once in a while.
Anyways, after my cry sesh, I realized I needed to take all this to God. This whole time I had been trying to hold what I felt inside and not take it to God. I guess I felt bad because I knew that fear is from the enemy, and I thought I could just “get over it”. But I realized that I couldn’t, and so I sat down and prayed. I asked God to take away my fear and to show me what He wanted me to preach about.
I also decided to challenge my fears with the truth From God (something I have learned on the race that has totally changed my life!) So the worst thing that could happen is I get up in front of everybody and completely forget everything that I came to talk about… So what? That wouldn’t affect my salvation, my relationship with God, or my community. It would only affect my pride and image. So failing would not affect me eternally. However, not trying at all could affect eternity for other people. Maybe what God speaks through me could really impact someone and they could learn about God and His love and character. So not stepping out and preaching could do more damage than getting up and failing.
After I prayed, God told me to preach the next day at the high school we were going to visit. He even gave me a specific story to talk about: The Prodigal Son.
Reluctantly, I told my team I wanted to preach. I thought that I would be super nervous once I committed, but instead, I felt a strange sense of peace. It was a peace I knew could only be from God.
The next day the hour came. Yes, I will admit, I was nervous, but I felt strangely peaceful. I knew God was on my side and that He would take care of me taking this leap of faith. I even felt peace when the audience, which I thought would be around the typical African class size of 30 kids, turned out to be an entire assembly hall packed with over 200 students. Yes I was nervous, but God was with me.
My cue came, and I walked onto the stage. My heart was pounding. I internally said a quick prayer, asking God to speak through me. I got to the podium, opened my mouth, and began to speak about the prodigal son.
The most amazing thing happened, as I began to talk, my nerves calmed down and then God actually began to speak through me. It was like, it wasn’t my voice, but His. I had a couple notes but I barely looked at them. I just let God take the reigns. It was the most amazing and freeing experience.
What was even more amazing is that after my talk, Pastor Maza, our host, got up and did a call to salvation and a group of kids raised their hands. If I hadn’t stepped out in faith and followed God’s command to preach, maybe these kids wouldn’t have decided to follow Christ. But, none of this happened because of me, my words, or my abilities. It only happened because of God and what He spoke through me.
“‘My [God’s] grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
??2 Corinthians? ?12:9? ?NIV??
God’s power and glory is shown through our weaknesses. We have to trust Him with everything when we know we can’t do it on our own. When we are good at something, we do it in our own power and people recognize that we did well because of our talent. When we aren’t good at something but do well at it, people see God’s power. My team knew my weakness was public speaking and they knew I was afraid. So when I got up and delivered a sermon, they knew it could only be because of God.
Ever since I preached that day, my fear of public speaking has almost gone away! It’s only because I know now that God will give me the words to say. It has happened multiple times this month. God continues to show up when I trust in Him and it blows me away every time!
God works through our weaknesses, all we have to do is trust in Him. Through our weaknesses, His power is shown.
