As I sit in Month 9, I’ve taken time to reflect on last month. Last month we lived 10 girls to a 2 bedroom apartment. We had one hotplate for a stove and only enough hot water in the tank for 2 showers. We worked at 2 orphanages every day for the 3 weeks that we were there.
At first it seemed like a month that I wouldn’t really connect with. With having such a big team and only having about 6 kids at each orphanage the first week due to summer vacations, I expected a lot of slow ministry time. Bulgaria turned into one of my favorite months if not the top 1. Not only did we have an amazing host who understood the struggles of being a missionary overseas (she’s American), we ended up with about 15 kids at each home for the last 2 weeks.
Having dance parties, making picture frames, taking a million selfies, and playing games was our ministry. We got to take them to the pool a couple times, go on a scavenger hunt, and bake cookies. It was a time of building relationships with a great group of kids all in their teenage years.
Back in Nepal when I was feeling uncertain about my future, I did a lot of listening prayer. I had never heard of it until the race and wanted to try it out. Over the period of the month, I sat with God several times and just asked questions. Questions about my life after the race, about relationships at home, about my passions and dreams. I got a lot of answers and a series of dreams that confirmed each one. I was excited and ready to start, but I still had 9 more months.
Since then, I hadn’t thought about what I heard in my listening prayer. I pushed it to the back of my mind and quit praying for it. Going into Month 8, I began to doubt what I heard. Was that really God? Did I make it up? Did I just “hear” the answers I wanted? Was it real? I was torn.
However, this month God confirmed every single thing I heard back in Nepal. He showed me my passions for working with teenagers. He gave me the desire to understand them and want to learn where they’ve come from and what they’ve walked through. Leaving last month broke my heart. Yes, partly because these kids were so great and we had so much fun together. Also because of the fear of where they would be in 5 years. The chance of them getting out of the living situation they are in is extremely low. The cycle of hard family situations continue.
If I could have, I would’ve taken them all home with me. But that’s not it works. haha So leaving Bulgaria was hard for me. One of the hardest goodbyes on the Race. It also gave me hope. Hope for my future to maybe one day help kids get out of their situations. To help them build lives of their own, be successful, and break the cycle. So even though leaving was hard, I’m clinging on to the hope I have. These kids will forever me on my heart, and I will continue to pray for them because God can do anything.
God is good. All the time. All the time. God is good.
