Something that I have been thinking a lot about lately, are my thoughts. Ironic? Yes. Necessary? Certainly. I've noticed how my thoughts can apprehend a life of their own and control me, rather than the other way around. And when that happens my feelings and emotions join forces with my thoughts and they just loot and pillage the town of my mind. They take peace and joy with them and leave anxiety and stress.
Take my Race preparation for example. When I would think about buying gear, I would think about how expensive it all would be and how hard it would be to find stuff. Then I would think that I would most likely buy the wrong things and be stuck with a malfunctioning tent in the middle of South Sudan. And when I would walk into REI the walls would start to close in and the exit signs would disappear and I would start to hyperventilate….
True, those things could happen. But did thinking about all the potential disasters make the present situation work out any better? No, of course not.
And in the light of day, outside of my dramatic mind, things were much less scary. I attacked those anxious thoughts with logic: I could return the stuff if it didn't work out, there are always sales at REI. Oh, and the most effective remedy for rampaging anxiety: my God is so much bigger. My God is SO MUCH bigger than backpacks and tents and traveling for 11 months. And when I let that truth soak in, I felt so much peace.
So, I went to REI with Angie, my best friend/ WR Alumni, and simply picked out what I needed. Done. We also found out there was a giant sale in two days, so we went back and I bought exactly what I needed at crazily discounted prices. I didn't freak out or hyperventilate. I even had fun.
When I chose to trust, and lay my fears and anxieties at the foot of the cross, I felt peace. And Jesus says that peace is our natural state of being, and it's when we look too long at things of the world that it all falls apart:
But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14: 26-27
But even though God always comes through, I find myself turning around and finding something new to worry about. Like the immunizations I have to get, or the fact that I'm leaving for training camp in 4 days….I find myself in constant need of God's gentle reassurance and so I speak these words over myself constantly:
Heart, don't be troubled. God's got it. God's got it
