So I have been searching for a theme for my blogs. I felt like it would be a good idea to have some sort of continual thread, so my readers don't get lost, and, let's be honest, so I don't get lost. I brought this up with my friend Jaide, who is an amazing writer/ blog editor, and she suggested that I do a series on peoples' reactions when I tell them what I'm doing.
Great idea, right? This way I will be intentionally telling people about the Race and then intentionally reflecting on their reactions. I hope y'all like it cause that's what you're going to get!
This week I had an extremely emotional conversation about the Race with my Nana. I called her on Tuesday during my lunch break and she shared her thoughts and her heart with me. My Nana is a wonderful woman of God, but comes from an up-bringing and background where you work hard for what you have and take care of yourself. As a result, fundraising is a bristling concept for her. In the course of our conversation her questions hit a chord with all of the doubts I have been wrestling with from the start. "What happens to the money if you don't go? (It goes into a general ministry fund for Adventures in Missions), "Don't you feel bad asking people for money so you can travel?" (Yes, I'll be traveling but I'll also be living as a servant in raw and rough conditions for 11 months), and on and on.
During the conversation I was trying my hardest to hold back tears and at the end I just burst into sobs in the store room of my office. Doubts plagued and hounded me, you're not strong enough to do this, you're doing this for all the wrong reasons, you won't actually go.
And I wrestled with these thoughts throughout the day. I spoke with my amazing supervisor and a dear friend and they both listened to me and spoke truth into my heart about who I am and what God is doing through this. These two believed in me, but was that enough?
Then I went to check my fundraising balance. And like I said in the previous blog, an incredible surprise awaited me. Not only had two of my dear friends given me so much, but an anonymous donor had contributed! An anonymous donor!! It felt like a love slap from the Lord, Him saying, "You better start believing in what I'm doing through you, Rachel, because clearly someone does. Trust me, I've got this".
And He does. No matter what anyone else says or thinks or does, He's got it. And I'm learning that. Slowly.
