I am small. And the mountain that is the World Race is SO big.
Lately I’ve been feeling so daunted by it, unable to comprehend how I could possibly go on this crazy trip. There are so many pieces that have to fit together, so many unknowns, so many things that could go wrong. I find myself so caught up in my inability, my un-worthiness, my weakness.
My brain gets stuck on terrible, self-defeating thoughts. “Why haven’t you done more?” “You’re lazy” “You will never come close to raising enough money”. I can’t stop thinking about all the million things I should be working on and all the many ways I feel I should be farther along. But while I’m letting these evil lies race around my head like cars on a race track, Jesus is gently whispering to me, “But my grace is sufficient, my grace is sufficient, my grace is sufficient”. And this morning He spoke in a very loud, very clear voice directly into my self-centered thoughts.
At church this morning, Pastor Derrik spoke on Acts 3 and 4. In these chapters, Peter and John come across a beggar, who has been crippled from birth. Rather than giving him money, Peter calls on the name of Jesus and commands the beggar to walk. And he does.
One of the first thoughts that stuck with me was that the crippled man was not healed until he stood up. He had to step out in faith, trusting that Jesus really is powerful enough to heal him. But even then, it’s not about the beggar. Nor is it about the apostles. Even the act of healing is not the central point.
“When [the teachers of the law] saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus”.
It’s about Jesus.
So just like the beggar I have to stand up. I must step out in faith and ask for the help, the support and the money that I need. And I do trust that the Lord will provide. I know He will come through for me and I’m asking you to be a part of that.
But at the end of the day my faith has to be in Jesus, not in what He can do for me. Because at the end of the day it’s not about my weakness, my sin, my hang-ups. It’s not about the Race. It’s not about the money coming in or the safe travel or the billion other ways I know Our Provider will come through.
It’s about Jesus.
So I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness, my complete lack of fundraising knowledge, my procrastination tendencies, my fear of making my friends and family feel used, my love of creature comforts, so that everyone watching will take note that I have been with Jesus. So that He receives all the glory, all the honor, all the praise. Because it belongs to Him and Him alone.
