I have been out in the bush the last few days visiting some of our teams. What is the bush you ask? The bush is basically a village out in the middle of nowhere.
There were 16 of us crammed into this tinnie tiny little house with no electricty, running water or toilets. It was interesteing to say the least. It was true community that's for sure. Most of the nights I bunked in a tent with one of the girls on the team afraid of the oversized rats, creepy spiders, snakes, cockroaches, and other bugs that lived amongst us.
Although most days it was so hot that you could barely move I got to see God's Kingom at work all around me. There are children apart of this village varying in ages that are learning English and know the bible better than I do. They could quote scripture and tell story after story for hours. They also listed off about a dozen names that reveal who God is and what His character is like.
Father.
Creator.
Friend.
Forgiver.
Risen One.
Healer.
Lover.
Provider.
Almighty.
Alpha.
Comfortor.
Spirit.
Grace.
It blew me away. I was amongst a room full of children who know the God I serve. They know His charactter. They know His nature. They know His heart. They know who He is. I was so blessed and encouraged.
I was reminded of Jesus' heart for the little children. I was reminded of how He is quoted saying "Come to me like a little child." This journey has really soidifyed my heart and passion for little ones and constanly brings me to my face of the importance of coming to the Father like a child.
A few weeks ago when we were at debrief one morning doing some worship I suddenly had this picture that entered my mind.
It was me back in middle school walking home from school one day. I had my ususal headache and couldn't wait to get home and lay down. There was this cry inside of me for my mommy and daddy. But I igrnored it. I pretended like it wasn't there. I didn't need them. I was old enough to take care of myself. I mean what teenager needs their parents right? I basically talked myself out of it. By the time I got home both of my parents were there and I went straight to my room. I didn't tell them I was sick. I didn't tell them I was hurting. I didn't tell them that I needed them. I went into my room, shut the door and laid down.
I felt the Lord opening up a conversation about this instance.
My love, why did you do that? Why did you act like you didn't need them? Why did you shut them out?
Why are you bringing this up Lord? I don't know? I mean why did I do that and what are you getting at?
I just want you to revisit this. I want you to take a closer look. I want you to see something.
For the next half hour I continued this back and forth conversation with God as He delved into the heart behind this memory. He brought me to a point where He showed me that I basically got to be too 'cool' and too 'mature' for my parents love and affection. I had reached a point where I thought I could live independently from them.
He drew it back and connected it to my relationship with Him. The past few weeks I had been forgetting to come to Him. I was carrying so much stuff. I was trying to do it on my own. I had forgotten how important it is run to Him and collapse in His lap. I had begun to 'run home from school and shut my door.'
I was created to need Him. I was created to not walk alone. I was created to live dependent upon Him. I was made to feel His love that gives me the very breath in my lungs.
My heart cried out.
Jesus, I never want to be too mature for you. I never want to run from you. I never want to shut you out. I never want to try and do it on my own. I don't ever want to act like I've arrived and that I can do this without you. Jesus, never to be far from you.
Rachel, my love. I will always look at you with Daddy eyes. I will always desire you to come to me. I will always long for you to run into my arms. Although you are growing up, you will always be my little girl. Your heart must stay like a child. Won't you keep coming to me? Won't you continue to trust me? You never have to grow out of me.
That was a powerful exchange. I had encountered the living God, personally. I heard His voice. I felt His presence. I experienced His love.
Those are the experiences that I live for. Those are the encounters that have truly changed me. Those are the moments that I can not fully explain but I know that I know that I know to be true. I pray that the God of heaven and earth who is Mighty, Powerful and Majestic yet Loving, Kind and Humble would speak to you today. That you would open up your heart and let Him in. That if you have questions, ask Him. If you have doubts, tell Him. If you have hurts, share them with Him. He wants you to know who He is. He wants to talk to you about your life. I'm telling you, it isn't easy going back. It hurts to look at stuff. But I promise, it's worth it.
I couldn't not put something in here for the two of the people that I love the most. I mean I talked about a memory that I'm pretty sure they remember.
Mama and Daddy: I know your reading this. I want you to know that I love you. I have always loved you. I'm sorry that I haven't always shown it. I'm sorry that I would go into my room and shut the door. I'm sorry that I never invited you into my heart. I cannot change things now but I want you to know how humbled I am that you loved me thorugh all of that. I cannot express in words how much I truly love you. You are the best and I thank God for you every single day. Jesus is doing some powerful things in our family and I wholeheartedly believe it is just the beginning. I want you to know that even though I'm 27 years old I want to be your little indian girl and ray-o for the rest of my life!
To go along with this story I wanted to share some pictures with you from this past week. This is the village I went to and one of the teams I visited. The little girl in the picture stole all of our hearts. She is a Cambodian beauty and we got to give her hugs everyday. She is an orphan that lives with her grandmother in the hut next door to us. She will literally wait at the fence for us to walk by. The moment we do, she runs at us with open arms. She just wants to be held. The other picutre is a little village boy and my friend, Bri.
Photo credits: Bri Danese.
