There is something so intoxicating about the ocean. There is something so powerful about light breaking forth out of darkness. There is something so moving about hearning the sound of waves crashing. There is something so freeing about taking risks and trusting the process.
I spent the day at the Indian ocean with some of the girls from my squad today. It was our off day. As we walked down to the beach I was taken back by the beauty of creation. I was speechless and felt so contemplative. It caused me to be overwhelmed with this uexplainable peace that I just sat without saying a word and pondered life.
My thoughts ended up driting to a mental picture of a beach. One very similiar to the one I was at. I began picturing the beach in the calm of the morning. I envisionsed the sun just beginning to rise and the waters still, like glass. I saw myself standing on the edge of the shore with my toes just barely in the water and a surfboard under my arm. I gazed into the abyss and felt drawn to it. I began paddling out past the breaker. The waters were easy to manage and with each paddle I was headed into the unknown.
I feel like this is where I am at right now. I'm in the middle of a process. At the start things were peaceful, still and calm. And then suddenly the waters aren't so still anymore, in fact there is a strom starting to rage around me. Instantly my first reaction is fear. I suddenly begin to question everything that I know to be true. I loose sight of the bigger picture and focus on what is directly in front of me, the big scarey waves.
As much as I can't stand it, I love it when Jesus brings me back through something I've already walked through. I belive it to be an new layer and a new place of depth and trust that He takes me through. The concept of stillness, rest and peace are all things that Jesus and I have clearly talked about over the years but this week He brought it up again.
I was journaling at the beach today and felt like this is what Jesus said. 'These aren't just concepts Rachel, these are part of who you are, there is a confidence that comes out of you slowing down and just sitting with me. When you seek Me in the stillness, you hear my whisper.You feel my peace. You are reminded that nothing else matters when you know how much I love you. When you practice this, it wrecks the enemy's day. Without stillness, your concept of Me is limited. Stillness is the precursor to peace. My peace is better than having all the answers. Stillness releases you into unbroken communion with me. So, stop what your doing and just be with Me in the stillness."
So tonight as I sit and process I see the burning desire in my heart for these things. I see the heart cry to be a woman at rest, a woman at peace and a woman that fully trusts in her Lord. I also see the ways that I still give in to fear. I see the places where I am desperate for His help. I can't do this alone. I see that most of the time when the storm comes I get scared. I see that I don't have all the answers. That I'm not perfect. That I'm still on the journey.
Tonight I recieve His peace and rest. I am, humbled, yet again. I am going to stop trying to get to the other side when I'm in the middle of a journey. I will seek Him in the stillness, embrace the process and trust that He's got me. I will enjoy the stages. I will claim peace in the midst of the storm. I will keep paddling out past the breaker into the unknown. It is worth the risk. His waves of mercy and endless ocean of love will be there to catch me everytime.
This is Ruth and I playing in the waves.
