love in my bones.
love shake down these walls.
this was part of the chorus to a song we sang this week at training camp. i sang, swayed, danced, closed my eyes, lifted my hands, sat down, stood back up, sang some more…..and couldn't feel anything. i wondered what was wrong with me? why couldn't i feel anything? i looked around the room and it seemed as if every other person was connecting. i suddenly felt all alone in my unconnectedness. this was worship after all. afterwards i decided to journal because writing my thoughts out helps me process and hear God more clearly. although i couldn't "feel" his presence, i could hear His voice. He started to affirm me by saying He was with me and hadn't left. in that moment i felt like things were clear. i was in a season of faith building. God decided to withdraw his presence from my emotions and feelings. this was tough because i usually connect with God through feelings. i think He's teaching me that love is not based on a "feeling" or an emotional high but that it's rooted in choice and an act of will. it's been tough not connecting with Him in the natural way of feelings but i am honored that he desires to take me to deeper places of intimacy.
