Creating a Space

I didn’t think it was possible. I didn’t think many things were possible in fact.

 

I had doubt that I would survive Romania. I thought those 12 days would never be up, and that I would never be sitting in this airport on my way to Ireland. I couldn’t see any light through the dark tunnel that was my time in Ville Tecci. I had written it off as futile, corrupt, and anti-everything-I-stand-for. In many ways it still is.  We went on a wild roller coaster of mis-communication and mishaps. But somehow Redemption snuck up on me. It made me blush in disbelief and wrapped me in its warm arms.  I was reminded this month that God always has something bigger going on than what we in our struggling moments are too blind to see. That He can use anything and any situation to draw our attention towards His face.

 

We never did end up doing much ministry. Aside from preaching in a few church services on Sunday, playing with some village children, cleaning out a church, and some powerful prayer walking… our activities mostly included card games, naps, movies, watching Season 1 of Lost,  reading books, and meeting together as a group.  Yet in that space…the space where I finally wasn’t busy all the time like I was at home, where I didn’t have a rigorous schedule of work, hanging out with friends, running errands, the space where there wasn’t always something objective to do, there was finally a space for God to speak into my heart.  I was completely unaware of the dependence on productivity, efficiency, and results that I had created for myself at home in the States. Being so crowded and so busy all the time had filled me up, and I had no room for God to really speak. And particularly no room for transformation. 

 

These facts called for an emptying.

 

Getting this open space in Ville Tecci allowed me find two things:

 

 1. Time. Hours upon hours of time. To spend in the word. To quiet my frenzied heart and listen. To journal. To talk it out. To allow God to show me that I hadn’t let go of much of my past, of what happened to my mother, of my fear to walk in the spirit because it leaves you open to danger. God at last had hours, days, and weeks to grab the attention of my ears and heart to whisper that I’m worth it and that He LOVES me furiously. That if I choose into it, and choose to let go of my fear, He will use me in incredible ways. I know that I may or may not have such time again on the race, but I can see now the extreme importance of creating this space for God. He’s always there. Just waiting for us,  to put aside our productivity, ministry or selfish pursuits, to speak a million beautiful things to us. He’s just waiting to give us life unimaginable, but we’re often too busy-blind to see him.

 

2. Trying situations. Times in which I could either choose to submit to myself, my flesh, to negativity. Or where I could choose to submit to God, to joy, to a life led by the spirit. This month I discovered that I have a loud voice. That I am a woman of influence and power, with the ability to make or break things, to speak life or death into people.  I was told that I can at times be intimidating. Which, hold the phone Mabel, I’ve always been told that I am soft spoken, have a sweet, quiet spirit. That I need to speak up and make my opinion known. But now my team tells me that the only thing I’m not short of is opinions. I found though, that if I’m not careful, if I choose to submit to myself, to my flesh, and not to the Lord, that my influence will be destructive.  I don’t want to be destructive. I want to build kingdom. I want to become less, and let Him become more.

 

In more than just these personal ways, God showed up. He restored our relationship with our contact. On our last day, He allowed us to meet  an awesome Hungarian pastor to the gypsies, who is a  potential contact for future teams.  We got to pray for healing, preach, and give our testimonies to this pastor’s very sweet church.