Many of you read my blog, What’s the Weight, and know that over eating has been a big struggle God has been freeing me from since I’ve been on the race, but also one of the ways satan has attacked me the most. You might not think over eating is a “big sin” or something that should really slow us down, but when I over ate I was not only brought down physically but also spiritually. Paralyzed with guilt as I saw the effects gluttony had done to my body, it was hard to move forward.
Then last month, God called me to go on a fast. Eager, as I always am at the beginning of any fast or changing of my eating habits, I asked God what my fast should look like. I prayed that when I sat down to type it up He would give me direction. Before I even sat down, I knew he wanted me to do a modified version of the 21 day Daniel fast. So ask I sat down I began to type out the list of things I was to eat which consisted of fruits, veggies, beans, and yogurt and one serving a week of a meat. That might not sound like a hard fast to some of you but the things I usually try to fill myself with consist of breads, cheese and of course sweets. Then I counted out 21 days from Dec 26, the day I felt I should start, and typed out February 15th. Obviously, I didn’t realize I had miscounted until later when I was telling Tara Reed about my fast and she told me that’s way longer than 21 days. Shocked and a little freaked out, I went to check what I had typed out while listening to God. I knew that whatever was typed out was from Him and not me, and no matter what it said I would follow. So I checked. Tara was right, dec 26th-feb 15th is a lot longer than 21 days, but God made my fast for that long without me even noticing, because honestly I would’ve freaked out thinking I couldn’t do it.
So since I’ve been on the fast, God has changed some things- which I totally believe He does. I had started eating so much fruit and so many beans and started making those things an idol the way bread had been before. I realized it after some observation that had been sparked from things going on around me. So I took those things out and added meat and nuts (which I have to watch too, because I know if I get too focused on those things, I will need to lay them down as well).
During the fast, I’ve also been losing weight, which is so exciting for me. The most exciting thing about the weight loss is that I feel like I’m being freed from the chains of guilt satan would weigh me down with before. I knew the weight had only come from my lack of self-control and as it is lifted away through God’s strength I realize I’m growing in self-control by His Spirit.
As the weight is stripped off slowly, and in His time, He teaches me through the changes. This morning He opened my eyes to something crazy. Not only had I been filling myself with false comforts of this world through food, I had also been filling myself with false security through “my good works”. I some how thought that through me giving up so much, and me coming on the world race, I was acting “good enough” for God. I thought it was okay to think that as a radical Christian I’m somehow doing more which was bringing me closer to heaven. I was wrong.[[God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.1peter5:5,proverbs3:34]] Actually I was letting “my good works” feed me with this false security in somehow thinking I had a hand in my salvation. As I slowly fed myself, focusing so much on what I was doing (which were my works), I was slowly swelling with pride [[…lest being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condemnation as the devil.1tim3:6]]. People around me somehow thought that because I was leaving I was somehow doing more than they were at home and they were proud of me, and I chose to eat that up too.
The truth is very different though. I am doing no better than anyone else. Anything good I do or have done is not me. So please, don’t be proud of me. If you see good in me or in anything I do, please just be proud of God and what He is doing because its all Him. Its so easy to think we are the ones that change our actions or we are the ones that do good deeds but really everything good is God in us, not ourselves.[[Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights…james1:17]] And with that being said, we need to see God in others through the same eyes. I’m sure we all know people or see people who’s “bad” actions label them as one thing, but they aren’t! God created everyone and everything- and everything He makes is good! Just because we can’t see the good up close, doesn’t mean its not good in the big picture. Our job is to focus on even the smallest bit of good we are able to see from where we are standing and giving thanks to God for it all— because that good is God and we have to start giving Him more glory in the things that look “bad” from our perspective!
When I start thinking I am doing something right, it becomes harder for me to show grace to other Christians because I think, ‘they are standing in the same shoes as me-why aren’t they doing the same??’ But I don’t want to be that person and I don’t want His church to be those people. The truth is I don’t stand, I can’t stand, if I am placed somewhere its just where God is holding me. Lets be people that know everything good is God and we can only give Him the glory- even in the good “we do”. Lets be those people so we never get tangled pride.
[[…if anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong all the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amem.1peter4:11]]
