A Common Voice pt1

Growing up I thought the only way God spoke to me was through the bible. So whenever I had some crazy question about how to deal with a certain situation, that’s where I would look. That is, if I was looking for God’s way. There were other times in my life when I didn’t look for the answers in the bible. It wasn’t that I thought I wouldn’t find the answers there, but rather the fear that I would find them. And at that point in my life, those weren’t at all the “answers” I was looking for.

                The more I look back at those moments that I tend to refer to as “when I was bad”, I realize I was never bad. I was just a little lost. And even though I refused to let God speak to me through the bible during those times, I now see He never stopped speaking to me. Day and night He sang over me. For years I tried to drown out His song for me. I tried every avenue to create my own song. I wanted my song so bad. I wanted to be confident in knowing who I was. And every time I tried, I grew tired and weak. My spirit would get so tired of trying to figure out who I was that I would break. In those broken moments, I was blessed. Because it was there that I would stop running by my own strength and lie down and rest. And in those moments, I heard His song. The song He was always singing over me. The song of comfort and identity He was pouring into me. The song that claimed me as His own and never claimed as “bad”.

                It took years for me to hold on to the song He sang to me. I usually only stayed there listening long enough to “recharge” and go back into my mission of finding myself. It seems a lot sillier looking back than it did at the time.

                I remember the moment I decided to not only listen to the song He was singing over me, but the moment I decided to hold on to it. I chose to make that song my own for one reason. It wasn’t because I was scared of not listening to it- I had drown it out for years and He still hadn’t send me to an eternity in hell. And it wasn’t because I saw that it was” just the right thing to do”- I had been rebelling for years and at that moment the last thing on my mind was to be obedient. Instead, the reason that I finally gave up trying to make my own song and claim what He had made for me was His relentless love. Even to type that stirs my soul… For years and years I rejected His song. I had been a fair weather friend to my God. I had run to Him in my brokenness, taken part in the love relationship He intended to have with me, and then the second I was “recharged”, I ran from and ignored not only His song, but His heart too.  That pattern repeated for years. And this beautiful God of mine has such a strong love that He stuck around through it all, never once growing weak in His pursuit of my heart.

                I started writing this blog to talk about how God still speaks to us. That He spoke us to life and has never stopped speaking to us. God took it elsewhere when I got caught up in His love… but hey? That’s what it’s all about anyways. His love. So if you continue to read my blogs (which I hope you will), be prepared for me to get off the topic I started with, and expect that when I do get off topic, it usually leads to God’s loveJ  Anyways.. I love you all and I hope that you will be looking for part 2 of this blog… in which I’ll finish up on God speaking, unless He leads me elsewhere 😉 Be blessed!