This blog is to fill you all in on a really huge part of my World Race that you may know nothing about! It’s also for future logistics coordinators to read and hopefully gain some insight about the potential of their position. This blog is a bit of a marathon/book, but a big window into what I am personally experiencing this year. For those of you who don’t know, before launching on the World Race I was chosen with two wonderful men to serve our squad as logistics coordinators. This gives us the responsibility of moving our 55 person squad from country to country (by booking busses or coordinating prearranged flights) and planning lodging and food for transitional rest/recharge retreats (debriefs and LDW’s) between some countries. It’s a lot of work, but really rewarding. When I went to training camp, I had decided that I would accept any leadership position I was offered, except logistics. I had heard too many stories of burn out, and saw the job as something that would take away from my experience this 11 months instead of adding to it. I’m glad I changed my mind, because was I wrong.
I’d compare our role as logistics coordinators to a member of a bike racing team called a domestique. I know very little about bike racing, but from my understanding a domestique is a racer who goes out front, breaks wind for the lead racer, gets them water bottles when needed, chases break aways, and just generally prepares the way for them. They work tirelessly behind the scenes so that their teammates have their very best chance of winning the race. My squad is truly a joy to lead. On travel days they are really cooperative, they consistently verbally encourage our logistics team, and they’re just a lot of FUN to be around. Each of them has incredible giftings and has been called to the missions field for such apparent reasons. It has been a huge blessing to take care of some of the nitty gritty work of travel so that they can fully press in to what God has in store for them this year, without worrying about how they’re getting there. I have two ROCKSTAR logistics teammates. Daniel might be part robot, because he has killer memorization skills for things like flight numbers and web passwords, and he organizes our team finances in ways that would feel overwhelming to me. Jeff handles problems that can feel impassible with ease, always keeps us laughing, and has the confidence to communicate with shady border officials like a boss. God knew what he was doing when he placed us as LC’s. These fellas are gifted in ways that I am not, and only together are we able to be the “domestiques” that this squad needs.
I had planned on writing this blog right after my time in Nepal, which was a bit of a trainwreck logistically. I’m glad I waited, because I have more perspective now, but to give you a feel for what the position entails, and to make sure I don’t sugar coat what can sometimes be a really challenging position, I’ll use it as an example. Nepal was my favorite month on the race so far. I connected deeply with our ministry partners, saw deliverance for people in really scary situations, and also got to see both Mt. Everest and monkeys in the same day. It was a dream. HOWEVER, Nepal was also the perfect storm for logistics. Remember that team I just introduced you to? Daniel was stationed in Pokhara, Nepal for the month, in the Himalayas with no wifi or way to reach us. Jeff was stationed with me in Lalitpur, but he’s a really great nurse who is awesome under pressure, and was (rightfully) pulled away to help one of our squad mates who was in the hospital with typhoid, double lung pneumonia AND a gallbladder surgery. Talk about an enemy attack. Handling logistics for the month alone didn’t seem like that big of a deal, but the storm kept brewing. I found myself unable to reach any hostels to lodge our 55 person squad because none of them had e-mails or websites, and they couldn’t understand my English over the phone. When I did find one, it had multiple ratings for the “worst hostel in all of Asia” and I had to book from Nepal, over Facebook, under the assurance that management had changed. As I tried to book transportation for our squad to the airport, and from the airport to our HCMC hostel, I was told I needed the flight information, which hadn’t come through from our office in the states yet. The travel agency had slowed down around the Thanksgiving holiday. (Fun fact, we never actually got an official itinerary or proof of purchase for that flight from the office, praise the Lord that we made it to Vietnam smoothly!)
Half of our squad had arrived in Nepal a day earlier, and needed an extension of Visas. This required facilitating getting 30 people from all over Nepal into an immigration office, and would cost almost $1,000. To top it off, I was trying to complete the application and payment for 55 visas into a country that really doesn’t want Americans to come. Online visa applications into a closed country are just as confusing as they sound, and the process was supposed to take 7-10 days. I didn’t have our flight times and information I needed for these until 6 days before leaving.
SO, am I telling you all of these things to complain? Am I asking for a pat on the back? Do I want your pity? If you asked me in the midst of this storm, the honest answer may have been yes. I was worn out, bitter at all the pieces of the process that were making things so difficult, and feeling really alone. Fortunately, sitting safely in Cambodia and looking back on these events, I can tell you that is NOT why I’m sharing this with you.
Back in October we were asked to come to launch a couple days early for logistics training. Two things stood out to me from that training. The first was that logistics is a legitimate form of ministry, an important reminder in the midst of the chaos. The second was that we will have the amazing privilege to see God work in HUGE ways, often ways that the rest of the squad may not always get to see. This could not be more true. One of my favorite verses in the bible has always been Ephesians 3:20. “Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or even imagine.” This verse is evident in logistics. If it were up to my strength or even the strength of our office in Georgia, my squad would be stuck in Nepal illegally. Even if we would have made it to Vietnam, we wouldn’t have had anywhere to stay, and even if we’d been able to stay, the whole process would have cost much more than we have in a squad fundraising budget. Only “His mighty power at work within us” could have accomplished any of that. Let me tell you a few ways that He worked that were “infinitely more” than I had asked, and certainly more than I imagined were possible. After a long day trying to contact Vietnamese hostels and getting a lot of “No English, goodbye”s over the phone, I came to our team time complaining. I was really frustrated that I’d had to miss a day with a ministry that I really loved, and gotten nowhere. I felt hopeless, and didn’t have other options to try. My teammate who is half Vietnamese, immediately contacted her Dad. He called the hostel to translate for me, all the way from Texas! It was something I never would have thought to do, and a huge blessing.
Near the end of the month, Jeff and I went to the immigration office to begin the process of applying for Nepal Visa Extensions. We went in feeling very discouraged. This was a process that shouldn’t have been needed, would cost almost $1,000, and would require the facilitation of half of our squad getting from their various locations to an immigration office. We hoped that we would be able to do it all ourselves without bringing everyone else into it, but we were not confident that this would be the case. We prayed outside the office, asking God to do what we thought was the impossible: “Please don’t make the whole squad have to come to this office to complete these applications. Let us take care of it ourselves.” We entered, and I talked to the official. He told me every teammate would need to come in person. I was discouraged, but not surprised. We started calling team leaders, telling them our suggestions for how and when to come to the office, and that they’d need to leave ministry that day to come. I went up to the counter to file my own personal application and get it out of the way. The immigration officer asked how long I wanted to extend for, I told him just one day. He laughed, “If you are only staying for one extra night, you don’t have to file an extension.” I was skeptical. I had been assured by many people that we’d need an extension, and the visa in my passport said so too. I brought Jeff over and asked again, to clarify that a language barrier was not the issue. We even asked him for assurance in writing, in case of visa issues at the airport. He laughed and told us it would certainly be no problem. We were ecstatic!
This may not be a joy I can convey in words, but not having to bring the squad was a huge blessing. And God went even further! We told God our imagined “best case scenario” and he blew it out of the water. He said “I want to do immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine. We told God “please let us take care of it” and he said “no, let ME take care of it!” This is just an example of the ways I’ve been able to see him work through logistics. I tell people that my job on the race is legally moving nearly 60 people from country to country across three continents and they often say, “wow that sounds impossible!” That is the beauty of it, it IS impossible! I can’t even try to take credit for it, because I would never be able to do it alone. It was such a humbling lesson in being completely dependent on Him. I was listening to a sermon this week that said “the truth is, God may have more joy for you in dependence than you can find in control.” I couldn’t say it any better.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for sticking with me. Congratulations, you’ve made it to the ultra-vulnerable part of this blog. Before finishing, I want to talk about the personal struggles I’ve had to begin working through as a logistics coordinator. The position (and the World Race in general) has brought up all sorts of insecurities and weaknesses I didn’t know I struggled with, three in particular so far. Please keep my growth in these areas in your prayers.
First, I’ve learned that I can be extremely lazy when it comes to relationships, personal, professional and otherwise. I function well, but when discomfort comes, something is wrong, or I need people, I tend to lean on subconscious belief that “muscling through” will be easier than dealing with it. Believing that it isn’t a “big enough problem to address” or proudly thinking that I can manipulate the situation into being fixed leaves me drained and bitter. I realised this as I dealt with feeling unsupported by leadership during the whole “Nepal perfect storm.” I felt alone and jaded about the leadership structure, but didn’t bring it up or address it until it had deeply affected me. In a survey I told them “this month was amazing because it taught me to depend on the Lord, but I would rather do that by cultivating positive professional relationships, rather than ignoring them and rooting bitterness in my heart.” Since then, I’ve been working to do just that. And, they’ve been supporting me really well in that. Shocker right?!
Second, I’ve learned that I wrestle comparison when it comes to leadership and performance. I started dealing with this at training camp when team leaders were chosen. I heard internal whispers of, “Why not me? I’ve been in leadership in the past… people have told me I am a good leader. Were they wrong? What do they see in her that they don’t see in me? I should be a leader…” Shortly after that, I became a logistics coordinator, a role that I likely enjoy more than I would ever enjoy being a team leader. It’s fulfilling, great experience for what I want to do for a living, and I feel that the Lord’s intentionally put me here. EVEN STILL, when my teammate got a call last month asking if she would be the next leader of our team, I immediately felt crushed. “Why did they pick her? What is wrong with me? Is all that I am logistics? Do I not have the capability to spiritually lead people?” I thought I’d worked through these insecurities already, but they came up again. This felt even more ridiculous, because if they HAD asked me to be a team leader, it would have meant asking me to step down from logistics, which would have made me feel even WORSE. Gotta love those rational emotional reactions, right?
Third and LASTLY (I promise) is a struggle with identity that I believe all leaders deal with. I love my squad dearly, and they care for me really well. But, I started feeling that the only identity THEY could see was my logistics role, all numbers and technicalities. Instead it was the only identity I was creating space for. I am going to directly copy what I said to my sweet World-Race-Alumni-mentorish-friend Roni who was logistics coordinator for her race. “Last month and at LDW I felt pretty frustrated about [finding identity in logistics.] I started to believe that the squad only saw me as logistics, not as Rachel, and that hit me pretty hard in Ho Chi. My squad wasn’t necessarily treating me that way, I just got so stuck in logistics for a few weeks in Nepal that I couldn’t imagine people seeing me for who I authentically am. We had a really good rest day with the squad leaders where we processed out a lot of things like that. I got to share that I’d felt pretty unsupported that month by them and leadership at home, and hurt by a few things, and it was really sweet to have it received well. I think this month, where I haven’t been with any squad mates who see me as logistics, it’s allowed me to ask questions like “well if I don’t want them to see me as just logistics, what qualities DO I want them to see? How can I be exemplifying qualities on travel days and otherwise that present outwardly the person I experience inwardly, the person that will allow me to feel seen?”
PHEWF. All that being said, logistics can be really hard, but it’s a role that I love, and one that I feel well equipped for. Our logistics team is currently working on the process of getting our squad from Asia to South Africa where we’ll meet up with two more squads for prayer and activation. Then the squad will need to move again to Botswana for our first month of ministry in Africa! Working through these details is FUN for me, and this role is one of the ways I’ve been able to see God show up most so far. Thanks to all of you who’ve supported me from afar as I worked through these tasks, and worked through the inner workings of my heart.
