Do me a favor. Before you read this blog (and any of my blogs) take a second to pray. Even (especially) if it feels really awkward. Ask the Lord to show you something profound in what He has to say through me, because that is the only way these 1,000 words are going to have any meaning at all.
A little over a week ago I returned from Gainesville, Georgia and 10 days of training camp. While there I…
– Learned that I actually enjoy eating crickets, bucket showers, and “exercise.”
– Had my luggage “lost by Kenya Air” and slept on top of a quadruple stack of hammocks under one rain fly.
– Competed in two squad vs. squad dance competitions.
– Was bitten by some pesky fire ants and tried to save a copperhead snake’s life.
– Learned about 55 new people’s favorite color, animal, and nature feature.
– Didn’t sleep enough, but (usually) felt supernaturally energetic.
*For a more in depth look at training camp, and to virtually meet my team, check out my teammate Audrey’s video blog here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4IGhKYMNU
Most importantly, God met me there. We worshipped 3 times a day and heard amazing talks by many incredibly gifted and led speakers, and through being broken down physically and spiritually, all that was left was to lean on Jesus. We worked through healing our hearts of unforgiveness, shame, false self, weariness, and skepticism. Before they would tell us anything about our upcoming trip, they wanted to very intentionally lead us to Jesus to make our hearts ready for our upcoming lives.
Since being back, all I’ve been able to tell people is that I’m different. I’ve been attempting to put my finger on what that difference is. I’ve been told that my heart seems more at peace, that I seem more free, and that I am more bold. More than anything, I believe it’s an increased awareness of the Holy Spirit in and around me. I feel an overwhelmingly increased capacity for what He has for me. There is an eagerness for the glory of the kingdom in my heart.
The best way I can explain this feeling to you is through the words of someone much smarter than I am, C.S. Lewis. This summer I have been re-reading the Chronicles of Narnia at the recommendation and generosity of a dear friend, and I could not more highly suggest that you do the same. At training camp, we had a night where we had to sleep in our training center, set up like an airport with nothing but what we had in our daypacks as if we had been stranded by a delayed flight. On this night, I finished “Voyage of the Dawn Treader” and God spoke to me through the sweet language of fiction. I had been working to articulate to myself the spiritual revival that had come over me, and this passage seems to do it best.
“The King took the bucket in his both hands, raised it to his lips, sipped, then drank deeply and raised his head. His face was changed. Not only his eyes but everything about him seemed to be brighter.
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘it is sweet. That’s real water, that. I’m not sure that it isn’t going to kill me. But it is the death I would have chosen — if I’d known about it till now.’
‘What do you mean? asked Edmond
‘It– it’s like light more than anything else,” said Caspian.
‘That is what it is,’ said Reepicheep. ‘Drinkable Light. We must be very near the end of the world now.’
There was a moment’s silence and then Lucy knelt down on the deck and drank from the bucket.
‘It’s the loveliest thing I’ve ever tasted,’ she said with a gasp. ‘But oh– it’s strong. We shan’t need to eat anything now.’
And one by one everybody on board drank. And for a long time they were all silent. They felt almost too well and strong to bear it; and presently they began to notice another result. As I have said before, there had been too much light ever since they left the island of Ramandu– the sun too large (though not too hot), the sea too bright, the air too shining. Now, the light grew no less– if anything, it increased– but they could bear it. They could look straight up at the sun without blinking. They could see more light than they had ever seen before. And the deck and the sail and their own faces and bodies became brighter and brighter and everything shone.”
Let me explain, in case this passage doesn’t hit you as immediately as it did me. I’ve been blessed with wonderful community, family, faith and friendship up to this point in my life. Within that beauty, I hadn’t felt that something was lacking. But God is calling me deeper, and increasing my capacity to experience Him. He is more deeply acquainting me with the Holy Spirit so that I might know and serve Him better. He is the “real water” and the beauty of the satisfaction it brings lies in it’s multi-faceted nature. Drinking this water is dangerous and unknown, “the death I would have chosen” but it is also lovely, sweet and fufilling. It signifies a drawing nearer to the light which may have otherwise blinded me, but makes me more able to bear it, and more eager to do so.
I suppose the bottom line is that through this 10 days with my 55 person squad and our trainers, I met God in a very tangible way. He expressed to me how delighted He is that I’ve chosen to say YES to this calling, and although His light did not dim, my time with Him allowed me to take in more of it, and left me thirsty for more.
