I have now been accepted to The World Race, and the most common question I’ve gotten is “why are you doing this?” That is such a valid question. What would possess someone who is currently surrounded by graduating seniors headed off to well-paying jobs and the American dream, to instead decide to live out of a backpack for a year far from family and friends? The answer I’ve been consistently giving is that I feel called. The only problem is, I really didn’t like that word. It feels “Christian-ese” and hard to grasp. People who have felt it understand, but to many, it’s an empty word that doesn’t help explain my heart or my motives. It’s felt like a cop-out, a canned answer I’ve prepared for this very question. I want to give a better answer, one that won’t fit in a can. In this (my first) blog, I’d like to try to articulate what “feeling called” has meant for me, what it’s felt like, and practically what it’s looked like as I’ve made my journey to deciding to go on the World Race.
Google tells me that the definition of “called” is…
Call cry out to (someone) in order to summon them or attract their attention.
My story of God crying out for my attention starts at a time when I wasn’t doing my best listening. Many of you may have known me as a sophomore year of college, but what you may not have known is that I was really struggling. I spent much of that year feeling lonely, unworthy, and depressed. I had seen myself as a joyful person for so long, I didn’t know how to deal with this new reality. I shut myself off from a lot of what felt like contradiction to me, like the love of friendships and involvement in things I enjoyed. My only real lifeline was my faith. I jumped on an opportunity to serve on a mission trip in Cuba with students from a ministry on my campus called The Annex. That spring break in that beautiful country was spent feeling isolated from the people I was with, but very in touch with a closeness to Jesus within that isolation. His pursual of me was obvious through a the country’s nature, people, and our missions opportunities. One night, our team leader asked us to share our testimonies, as well as a spiritual goal we had for the future. I shared my story, then said I would like to spend a year abroad doing mission work. Immediately after my teammate Gary Lee began to tell about his year abroad doing mission work, The World Race. I spent the rest of the trip asking all sorts of questions about the race, hearing incredible stories about things like spending Christmas with orphans in India, and falling in love with the idea of going on this journey of 11 countries in 11 months.
Since then, life happened. I continued with school, worked as a Kamp Kounselor, did business consulting overseas, and spent a lot of time doing activities unrelated to The World Race. However, it was still there. Whenever anyone asked me what I planned on doing after college, I found myself unable to speculate about anything but The Race. I saw many social media posts from Adventures in Missions, and the excitement grew. I was sure I wouldn’t go until I was done with college, but I often looked at routes and dreamed of applying. As it started growing closer, it was becoming more real, and it started to become more scary. I started thinking more seriously. Should I actually be doing this? What if it’s too expensive? What if my relationships are damaged by time away? Are my intentions right?
I spent this summer in South Africa on a study abroad program working with underprivileged entrepreneurs, and that was the next time God met me with a cry for attention. On my program I was so fulfilled professionally, learned so much, made some very dear friends, and had some life changing adventures, but I lacked the Christian community that means so much to me. I felt uninspired and stagnant. A few students and I decided to go try out a church in the area, and it was there that I met my next sign. I’d been seriously looking into the World Race online but feeling scared and forming lots of big questions. At this church service in the heart of South Africa, we met some American church planters and missionaries, and I quickly found out that one, Julie, had been on the World Race. It seemed too amazing to be a coincidence that I met this amazing woman who had beautiful answers to my questions in the most unexpected of places, at the most necessary times. I picked her brain about controversies on short term missions, what life is like after the race, and many other things. I felt strongly that I should apply, but deciding yes made me even more nervous. I started praying more realistically about it.
My last big event that made it clear that I should apply may seem strange and insignificant to some, but it meant a lot to me. When I came back to school, I started telling my close friends that I was planning on doing a year long mission trip. I figured if I told enough people, I wouldn’t be able to back out. I felt unsettled about the month I would leave, the route I would choose, and when I would apply. Then, the October Routes came out early. I had been leaning towards a 3 continent route because I was drawn to the breadth of cultural experience it would provide, but I really wanted to go back to South Africa where I’d left part of my heart. When the October routes came out, it was the first time I’d seen one with both. I felt like been personally given a gift. I knew what the Psalms meant saying “if you delight in the Lord he will give you the deepest desires of your heart.” That week I applied for October Route 2. This week I am officially 10% funded, which along with the incredible support of my family and friends, feels like confirmation of this path that he’s set me on. God has cried out and has my attention, and I cannot wait to watch the ways he directs it.
