From 1975-1978, the Khmer Rouge regime destroyed one-third of Cambodia’s population- around 2 million people. Approximately 17,000 of those were tortured and held at a high school which had been converted into a prison. There is a museum there now, and we went to visit it, as well as the site where people were massacred at thrown into mass graves. It was a harrowing experience to see: image after image of the faces of men, women, and children whose lives had been lost and futures had been destroyed.
I began to wonder about the victims and their families. Did the survivors still hold bitterness? Did the victims’ families want revenge? Upon seeing the small cells people were held in, I wondered, how could anyone live like that? How could another human being inflict that much torture and suffering upon another? Later, it occurred to me that I build walls around myself, allowing my spirit to be tormented as well.
I came into Laos with a lot of wounds of unforgiveness still from my past. I have never experienced anything remotely close to what victims of the genocide went through. And yet all of us as imperfect humans pick up hurts from actions and words which damage the heart and injure our pride. I tend to hold on to these, using them as a reason to build up a wall around myself, brick by brick, in an attempt to protect myself from further damage. Being disappointed by people I care about is hard for me, and so I become pessimistic and bitter to avoid future pain.
Yet all of this I realized gets me nowhere. Yes, I have been hurt in the past. But if I let these things still affect me now, they only continue to harm me. They damage potential relationships I could have now because I see the world through a filter of pain.
It is only through forgiveness that I can let go of these things and move on. In my flesh and on my own, I don’t want to forgive; I get tired of giving second chances. But God gives me countless second chances when I make mistakes. Jesus came to redeem, to make all things new, to smash the prison I try to build around myself, to set the captives free. He forgives the perpetrators and victims of genocide; He forgives me, and so in extending this to others I can experience healing as well.
